Monday, June 30, 2008

Things Overheard This Weekend

"Where is my nose jimmie."

Okay maybe this is funny only to me in one of those you had to be there kinda ways. But trust me it was freakin' hilarious.

Yesterday we took Bunny to the Cedarburg Strawberry Festival. You've never been? You really should, its all the rage. Street festival/ art fair, townie/ suburban all at the same time. If I had to describe it in one scene it would be this: a middle aged man pushing an empty baby stroller with a half-drunk bottle of Strawberry Blush wine in the cup holder at noon (and no it wasn't Bubs).

So there we were, enjoying the cheesy goodness that is a Sconnie festival. We happend across a decorate your own cookie stand for the kiddos. Bunny likes cookies, we decided to let her decorate one. So we slapped on some red frosting and some blue and white jimmies (or sprinkles if you will) and let her have at it.

Of course she doesn't eat the cookie like a normal child. No she decides she has to lick the frosting off. So there was red frosting and jimmies everywhere. We'd have to stop every minute or so to wipe her down but it didn't really help. She had frosting on her eyebrows and jimmies up her nose.

The jimmies up her nose thing really killed me. I had to sit down on the side of the road because I was afraid I'd fall down laughing. Then I had to take a baby wipe and surgically remove said jimmies from her nose. I'm not sure what sort of damage they would do if she inhaled them but I didn't really want to find out.

So I was recounting the story for my parents later at Sunday dinner, when Bunny very soberly asks "Where is my nose jimmie?" Where indeed Bunny, where indeed.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Like Clockwork

Bunny spent the night at my parents last night. Bubs and I went down to Summerfest where I caught one of my favorite bands. We did it up right and got home very late, which for us usually means 11 but was actually 1 am.

So what happens when I stay out late but don't have to worry about a child waking me up early? I wake myself up early. I woke up at 6:30 am. All on my own. That is just not right.

But I managed to fall back asleep and wake up at 8, which isn't much better but I'll take it.

Friday, June 27, 2008

And the Winner Is

Managermom for this wonderful idea:

"Screw labels. You are what you want to make of yourself. You are what you DO! And it doesn't matter how infrequently. You are a writer. You are a blogger. You are a jewelery designer. You can be all of those, or none of them in a single day. Why limit yourself to words on a card? I say, put your name, email, address, and URL. And hand them out with the confidence that you require no explanation.:-)"

So there you have it. No lables. If I'm in flux, I can be in flux. I like the idea of changing with the wind. Kinda like The Man Black Hockey Jesus with his ever changing picture.

So here goes for now : I am a mom, a crafty girl, a neophyte writer, mosquito killer, toy parrot finder, everything and nothing depending on the day, hour or minute

I would also like to give a shout out to my girl mamacarter for her idea Exectuive Vice President of Domestic Affairs. But mamacarter has always been way more ambitious than me so it fits her better.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Summertime and the Living Is Easy

It is officially summertime here in Sconnie. 80 degrees, 80% humidity and random thunderstorms. Check, check and check.

Yesterday Bunny and I decided to lounge by the pool in the afternoon. She and her dinos went for a dip while I relaxed in the shade of an apple tree. It was beautiful. I lounged on the deck in my chair, drank fresh squeezed lemondade, caught up on my reading and occasionally dipped a toe in the pool.

Or at least that's how it went in my head. In reality I dragged her little blue plastic pool out into the back yard and filled it with water from the hose. I then grabbed a blanket,threw it on the grass and plunked down. There was no fresh squeezed lemonade, only tap water. Bunny did have fun with her dinos but there was the occasional freak out of "Mommy I don't like flies". While I repeatedly coated myself and her with mosquito repellant. Only it didn't repel the mosquitos, they actually seemed to like it. I finally resorted to squirting the mosquitos with the bug spray if only to annoy them in a futile attempt to keep them away from us.

Last night I lay in bed counting my bites. I had 10 on my right leg and about 4 on my left. And I realized the solution to our problem, move. But since a move doesn't seem to be on the horizon, we'll put the pool on the driveway next time surrounded by 1 million citronella candles.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Contest Update

You still have time to enter my contest. I will leave the comments open through Thursday. The winner will be posted on Friday morning.

What do you win? Your choice of earrings from my Etsy shop.


Last night I was on the computer while Bubs was giving Bunny a bath. I hear Bubs yelling to me from the other room. Now we've discussed my annoyance with this habit but I gave him a pass because Bunny was in the bath. That was until I heard what he had to say.

You see he called me in to tell me that he and his friend Martin were going to see Rush at Summerfest on Friday. Okay now I'm pissed off. He told me, he didn't ask if he could go (Mr. I've played golf the past two Fridays). He didn't sit down over dinner or after Bunny went to bed to tell me. No,he summoned me into another room to tell me. Could he have told me in a more annoying way? I don't think so.

Now I don't like Rush. I never have, I never will (ok I like Tom Sawyer but that's it). I just don't "get it". So I'm glad he has a friend that will go to the concert with him because I wouldn't (I have actually seen them in concert but it was college so my memory is a bit hazy).

But I do like Summerfest. What's not to like? Beer, music on 5 different stages, beer, food, beer and people watching (oh man the people watching is great, especially while drinking beer). And I want to go, just not to see Rush. Now there are 10 other nights we could go (if we arrange babysitting) but that's not really the point is it? No its not.

So there it is. I'm jealous and a bit pissed off. I'm plotting some revenge. What would you do?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Please Stop It, Please for Mommy's Sake

So Bunny and I were at the park. She was running around like a crazy girl generally having a great time.

All was right with the world until . . . she spotted the pole underneath the big slide. She ran right to it and started swinging on it. "Look at me Mommy. I'm swinging in circles." No! No! No! You're only 2.

So it was time to start diversionary tactics, look Bunny a swing. Look Bunny the monkey bars. Look the sandbox.

She immediatly stopped what she was doing and ran to the sandbox. Crisis averted.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Test Run

So we've been working up to potty training Bunny. I'm not quite sure she's ready but I've been giving it the hard sell. We've been talking about the potty and she's even picked out a pair of big girl undies. We are getting there and I hope to start within the next month or so.

Part of the training process is just going cold turkey from the diapers. Well of course that leads to lots of accidents. Accidents means lots and lots of cleaning which of course is my favorite thing to do. I've gotten some good advice from bloggers like any mommy (I may have to steal her messter map). But nothing can prepare you for the real thing, except cleaning cat pee out of your carpet and couch.

It went down like this. We had just gotten home from my parents house. Bubs and Bunny were sitting on the couch taking off her shoes when Tabasco started to spray the very couch they were sitting on. Cat pee was everywhere, the couch, the carpet but luckily not on them. Tabasco has done this before when we first brought Bunny home and we thought we had dealt with it. But apparently not.

So I sent them off to bed, cracked a beer and commenced cat pee clean up. I got out every cleanser I could find. I rubbed, I scrubbed and I sprayed the sh*t out of the couch and carpet. I had bought this product called Urine Gone which is supposed to remove all smell and stain from pet and human "accidents". I followed the directions to the letter and hoped that it worked. Because the last thing I need in this here CrapShack is to have an unusable couch. We've already been displaced from the basement, we need the living room.

I went downstairs this morning and found . . . a chemical smell. Well chemicals are better than pee so that's good. So then I sprayed the heck out of the "affected area" with Febreeze and it smells better.

Cross your fingers with me that this clean up works and the vet can help us with Tabasco's issues. Because I don't need to be cleaning up after both Bunny and Tabasco or else I might lose my ever-lovin mind (or what's left of it.)

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Random Bits of Useless Information

It seems that Bunny's got herself a boyfriend. Elvis (or as Bunny likes to call him Elfish) lives across the street. She talks about him constantly, Elfish this, Elfish that. Whenever she sees him outside she cries until she can go see him. Yep sounds like guppy love to me.

It is possible to sprain your pinky toe while tripping over your slippers, I'm embarassed to admit.

We've made some decisions about Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby Number Two, hereinafter referred to as Turtle. When I'm ready I'll post something about it.

It seems that the attack of the scary pants has returned and has brought with it scary shirts too. We have to be very careful when getting dressed. Plus Bunny can now take off her own pants, so she can now rid herself of those darned scary pants at will. Fun.

Bunny has also developed the same annoying habit as her father. If I am in another room, they will both start talking to me from whatever room they are in. If I'm in the kitchen in the back of the house and they are in the living room in the front, they will yell across the house rather than getting off of their butts and walking into the room I am in. Bubs doesn't yell real loud but Bunny just screams "Mooooommmmmyyyy" over and over again until I come running. Its such a lovely habit for her to have picked up.

Well that's all I've got for today. So I'll just add this little video of Bunny for your viewing pleasure.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Search for Identity

Identity: the distinguishing character or personality of an individual

So I was looking at my profile and it doesn't really seem to fit me any more. I call myself a jewelry designer. I even have a store where I sell my jewelry. But I haven't sold anything in like 6 months or added anything new to the store. I haven't had a piece in any brick and mortar stores in longer than that. And everything I make I just end up keeping for myself.

When I decided to stay home I said I was going to make a go of this jewelry thing but it hasn't happened. So I don't think I can really call myself a jewelry designer anymore.

So what do I call myself? I'm a blogger, but so are 500 million other people. And only 20 people seem to be reading this and no one really comments so I really can't call myself a blogger.

I could say I'm working on a novel. But then again isn't everyone who blogs? And given my readership do you really think anyone would read a book about a stay at home mom turned zombie fighter? Probably not.

I'd love to say I was a trapeeze artist or something cool like that. But circuses kind of creep me out and I'm afraid of heights. So no.

So it seems I am in flux right now. I don't have anything to put on my profile or on a business card (but maybe I shouldn't have a business card because whenever I get one, I leave my job within 6 months).

Since I am out of ideas, I've decided to run a contest. Whoever can pick out the coolest identity for me will win a pair of earrings from my store. It doesn't have to be realistic. It just has to sound cool on a profile or on a business card.

I'll keep the comments open for a week and the winner will be announced next Friday.

Author's note In honor of the contest I will actually be adding new earrings to the store.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Jive Turkey

So Bunny has this book "Blue Hat Green Hat" by Sandra Boynton. In it various animals wear articles of clothing in different colors. So you may have a bear in a blue hat and an elephant in a green hat. Simple enough. It is meant to illustrate color and help identify articles of clothing and where you wear them.

The animals wear the clothing properly but a poor silly turkey cannot figure out how to wear it. He will wear socks on his hands and hats on his feet. Under his picture is always the word oops.

Bunny likes this book. She loves to say "Elephants don't wear socks. That's so silly." She has also become able to identify the and say the letters in oops "O - O - P - S" I'd like to say she can spell but when asked she doesn't know what the letters stand for. But hey we are getting there.

My problem with this book lies with the poor turkey. I think he is setting a bad example for Bunny. Now some of you may be familiar with Bunny's clothing issues but I am beginning to think this turkey is a cause or at least a symptom of some of our more recent issues.

When I tell Bunny to get her clothes on, when she eventually gets around to it plays games with her clothes. She will stick both legs through one pant leg and try to walk around. She will try to stick her head through the arm holes of her shirt. She will then turn to you with a smile and say "is this right?" No its not. Its cute the first 5 times, after that not so much.

Yesterday, she pulled out the Blue Hat Green Hat book when she was getting dressed. She turned to the page where the turkey was wearing the shirt as pants and put her legs through the neck hole of her shirt. "Just like Bunny" she laughed. Then she turned to the page where the turkey was wearing pants as a hat and did the same. Of course she near about fell over laughing when she compared herself to the turkey.

First TV, now I have issues with books? Sigh.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Cage Match

Lately it seems like Bunny and Tabasco, our boy cat, are interested in joining the Mixed Martial Arts league. Well it seems that Bunny is more interested and Tabasco is her chosen sparring partner.

It all starts out innocently enough. She wants to pet the cat. Most of the time he lets her but sometimes he doesn't. After petting, she will grab his tail, paw, face or hit him with some nearby object. Why? Because she's two, because she wants to, because he looked at her funny. Who knows. But this behavior has been the cause of 90% of her time outs.

Now Tabasco is no kung fu kitty but he could defend himself if he really wanted to. You see he has claws. One swipe of his claws on her hand and Bunny would leave him alone. But he's a lover not a fighter so he just sits there and takes it or else runs away.

But yesterday he exacted his revenge. Bunny was eating a saltine cracker in the living room. Well Tabasco has this thing with salty snacks. If you are sitting down on the couch while eating it, he will climb all over you to get at it. He will literally sit on your chest and try to grab it out of your mouth.

Poor Bunny was unaware of this when she was eating her cracker. Because she is closer to his level, Tabasco was all over her. Jumping up and trying to swat at the cracker. Well this freaked the shit out of Bunny. She was screaming no over and over again. Finally she ran to me for help. Since I was in the bathroom brushing my hair at the time, she ran in and we closed the door, foiling Tabasco's efforts.

When she finished her cracker and we left the safety of the bathroom, she just stared at the cat and yelled "Tabasco no!" She's been giving him sideways glances ever since, like she doesn't really trust him anymore.

Will this stop her from hitting him? Probably not but now she knows he can get her back.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Impossible Dream

I'm going to tell you about my fondest wish. Its what I dream about, constantly.

Sometimes when I go to sleep, I dream that I have a cleaning lady. I dream that my house is sparkling clean, free of cat hair and cat puke, the laundry and dishes are done. My lovely cleaning lady, lets call her NotMe, does her work with a smile in her heart and a song upon her lips. NotMe loves cleaning our house so much, she will often make dinner just to "help out".

Bunny and I head off to our outings and playdates in crisp clean sundresses. We can enjoy ourselves knowing that there is no work waiting, only play. Our house is a beautiful place, where not even a door hinge squeaks. Our lawn is freshly manicured and our garden has beautiful flowers. We truly enjoy being home.

And then I wake up, in the CrapShack. NotMe,where are you? We really, really need you.

Monday, June 16, 2008

So This Is It

Some days you wonder so this is what my life is.

Now I am an educated individual. I hold a law degree and licenses which would allow me to give you financial advice. I wouldn't recommend taking legal or financial advice from me at the present. But hypothetically you could do so.

But today I have spent all morning spouting such phrases as "Eat your bagel." "Where are your pants?" "Go find your shirt." "Don't hit the cat." And the bagel was not eaten. The pants were not found for a while. The shirt was worn as a hat. But luckily the cat was not hit.

Yeah this is it. But its still better than my old job.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day

In honor of Father's Day, I am turning over the posting duties to Bunny's wonderful dad (and my hubby) Bubs. Now I have no idea what he is going to say. I'll be reading it along with all of you. But if the post is about poker or fantasy baseball, its not my fault.

But before we get to Bubs, I wanted to give a shout out to my dad (Baca as he is known on these pages). My dad is amazing. He has been writing me letters every week for at least 4 years. These letters are an insight into his life, he shares stories about his life, his job and even his golf game. He also shares poetry and thoughts about how we can be more present in our lives. I really cherish these letters. And lately he's been stopping by the house in the morning with scones and coffee for me. Awesome. And though I know he really wants to see Bunny, it makes me feel special too.

So thank you Dad for everything.

Now on to Bubs:

((Tap, tap, tap)) Is this thing on??

I'm honored to be able to add to this colorful, humorous post for one day. On this, my second Father's Day, I will try to live up to the blog's high reputation, with a salute to those in my life who have meant so much to me and my family in arriving at this day.

For me, Father's Day doesn't happen without my grandparents. To my two grandfathers, one who I never met and one who I was too young to remember now, you supported my parents' families like cement in a home's foundation. To my two grandmothers, both of whom have now passed away, you were friends and counselors to me even when my behavior and lack of appreciation would dictate I didn't warrant it. Grandma L, you were at once a source of stability for me growing up and one of the funniest ladies I ever knew. Grandma R, you went through unimaginable struggles to get here and giving the euology at your funeral remains one of my most honored days.

For me, Father's Day doesn't happen without my parents. To my mom, you have been endlessly creative, warm, energetic, loving, and patient. PB&J crusts were always cut off, skinned knees were always Bactine'd and Smurf's Bandaid'd, homework was always helped with, and sad heads were always lifted gently by the chin with a kiss and a guarantee that things would get better. To my dad, you alone, it seems, understood my humor. Mostly because my humor is a direct reflection of your humor. Of all the people to have ever laughed at one of my jokes (18 people total, I think), your laughter has always meant the most to me. Dad, you raised a son conscious of doing the right thing, of following the rules, of being compassionate to others, of being understanding and accepting of others' faults as part of their unique personality. 2 grown kids experienced a stern, strict upbringing and then, upon growing into adults, the love that only a father can provide. 4 grandkids are blessed with a playmate, teacher, nap bus driver, and always-ready book-reading lap. All 6 of us are as lucky as can be. Read the newspaper every day and you'll see stories of dads who abuse their kids, abandon their kids, ignore their kids. How lucky we are that we have enjoyed the exact opposite. Happy Father's Day.

For me, Father's Day doesn't happen without my parents-in-law. You have treated me as part of your family since day 1. You accept my faults (many) as you'd accept the faults of one of your own children. You have supported our family and stood by us in good times and in bad. Thanks for everything you are to me, my wife, and our daughter.

For me, Father's Day doesn't happen without my wife. I can't begin to express how lucky I am to have you in my life. 12 years ago we met over chili. Now on chilly nights there's no one else's arms I'd rather be wrapped in. You are the most amazing mother. Bunny will one day realize how lucky she is. I have had many people I have called "best friends" in my life. Not only are you my true best friend, you are the better half of my soul. Thank you for all your love, trust, and support. From boo to doll face, thanks for making this Father's Day possible.

And finally, for me Father's Day doesn't happen without someone to be a father to. That would be my miracle angel, Bunny. 19 months ago doll face and I traveled half-way around the world to meet the little girl who's picture we had first seen 2 months earlier. How easy it was to fall in love with a little face in a picture!! But after that first introduction, we were hooked...even though you didn't know who we were or that we even existed. But you received our care package, and we forged a connection, with a promise that we would be coming to bring you to your new home. When we first held you in our arms, my thoughts were drawn to your birth parents, who had the courage and honor, even though they thought they couldn't care for you, to leave you somewhere they knew you'd find a new home. My thoughts were then drawn to your foster family and nanny who cared for you like their own for 9 months. And at that moment, we were all one big extended family. Though we will never meet them, doll face and I will always say a prayer of gratitude and peace for them. And then we got home and started our lives together, as a family, doll face, Bunny, and me. Life changed in that 2 month period. Nothing will ever be the same again. I hold you tight, Bunny, stroke your hair, kiss your cheeks, and cannot imagine loving anyone more. Daddy will always be there for you. Father's Day is just another day without you. Thanks for making this day special.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Honey You're Yelling at the TV Again

Let's get this out there: Bunny watches TV. Oh the horrors!

She doesn't watch it all the time but there are three shows that she likes, Little Einsteins, Word World and Ni Hao Kai-Lan. All of them are educational and she enjoys them.

But because she watches them, I watch them too. And I apparently have some issues with them. Well really just with Little Einsteins. The premise is 4 little kids fly around in their rocket ship having adventures.

My first problem is where are their parents? I mean they are flying all over the world and sometimes outerspace and they never have to call home or worry about making dinner. Curious. They spent Christmas at Rocket's house and then went to Mount Everest looking for a present. Where are your parents kids? Why isn't anyone looking for you? Do we need to call Child Protective Services? Okay, maybe they are just imaginary adventures, but still.

Another problem is their approach to problem solving. Take for example the episode where they are visiting a mother cello whose babies are about to hatch (out of little cello cases). Okay. The nest was built right on the river (which isn't a good place for a nest) and one of the cases is washed into the river. The kids hop in to Rocket to rescue the baby cello. When they get him, rather than taking him directly back to his mother, they let the baby cello walk around Italy looking for his mother. Not very responsible. The kids know where mommy cello is and the baby doesn't even know what his mother looks like. He confuses a kid, a giraffe, a plate of pasta and a bridge for his mother. But they mindlessly follow the cello where ever he goes. Really?

Then there is Big Jet. Big Jet is a blue plane that is always causing trouble for Rocket and the kids. He steals stuff, he breaks stuff and is generally bad news. Now Rocket is a rocket ship, he should have phasers and lasers and other weapons. I'm waiting for the day that Rocket just gets fed up with Big Jet and just blasts him with his big guns. But alas, I know that will never happen.

After reading this, Bubs reminded me of yet another problem I have with this show. Rather than flying to the top of a mountain, Rocket will transform and climb the mountain on treads. Have to cross an ocean? Do you fly over it? No, you transform into a boat or submarine. Are their train tracks? Let's stop flying and turn into a train, that's much faster. You have a rocket ship, you should be flying everywhere. Its called the path of least resistance people.

Okay I know its just kids' TV and I should just chill out. Apparently, logic and the rules of physics don't apply here. But it still bugs me.

But you know what doesn't bug me? Lulu the Rhino from Ni Hao Kai-lan. She's a pink rhino that flys around with the help of a red balloon tied to her horn. That I can buy.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Thank You Nice Day Have Dinner

Have you ever been so tired where you break into peals of laughter for no reason? In college we called it being punchy. When you stayed up all night studying or just generally didn't get enough sleep you would get punchy.

When you are punchy you laugh an almost hysterical laughter that can turn in to tears at any moment. For no reason. Its just your emotions being pushed to the edge and your overtired body can't do anything about it. We've all been there.

And last night so was Bunny. For whatever reason she decided not to nap, yet again. But she needs a nap, if she doesn't she gets punchy.

We had dinner with my parents last night. When we are there she is always "on", the consumate entertainer, making everyone laugh. Round about 6:30 she started in on the hysterical laughter. She found a Thomas the Train song book where if you press a button it will play a song. When she'd press the button she'd start dancing and laughing and laughing. Things that weren't really funny became hilarious.

At about 7 we figured we should leave so we could get Bunny to bed at a reasonable time. All the way home she would point at a car and yell "Red Car" and laugh. Then she would cry and say "I want Daddy". I explained Daddy had his own car because he came from work. Well that worked for a while before she saw a "Blue Car". Then it was "I want Ama and Baca." Oh look "Green Car"

On and on it went. Laughter and tears, tears and laughter. Meanwhile I was channel surfing on the radio and came across "The Break Up Song" by The Greg Kinn Band. I don't know why but I always have to sing it really loud when I hear it. So I did. Well that was pretty much it. Bunny dissolved into hysterics at every "Bumpa bump bumpa bump bump bump" She'd yell "sing it again mommy." She sang it all the way home, laughing all the way.

So it looks like Greg Kinn got himself a new fan.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Car Troubles - Hooptie or Bust

So it would seem that only having one car seat in a two car family has come back to bite us on the preverbial a$$.

Yesterday we were driving around with Bunny minding our own business, when weird noises started coming out of the back of the Pathfinder (yes I drive an SUV - don't hate me please). We stopped to check it out and it turns out the muffler is loose. Its swinging around and bouncing up and down.

So of course its only a matter of time before the muffler breaks free and either drags on the ground or drops off altogether. Now of course both are attractive options and will classify the otherwise good truck as a hooptie. Classy.

So we need to get it fixed, sooner rather than later. Even if we could transfer the car seat from my car to Bubs', he has meetings out of the office today and a turf managment study (golf) tomorrow. So Bunny and I would be stuck without a car.

The other option is to drive to our mechanic, take out the stroller and walk back. This is doable, its only about a mile and a half. But its supposed to rain today and tomorrow so with my luck we'd get rained on. And of course the mechanic isn't opened on Saturdays or Sundays.

So I guess its hooptie or bust this weekend.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Things You Don't Want To Hear

Yesterday Bunny and I were upstairs getting ready to go out. It usually goes like this: I lay out some clothes for Bunny. She picks out an outfit and runs around in her diaper for at least 1/2 hour before she will let me get her dressed. So I get ready in the meantime.

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Bunny came to me and said "Look Mommy. I colored the TV." What? Did you just say you colored the TV? No! No! No!

Sure enough when I got into my room the TV was covered in orange crayon. Now I know crayons are washable but I'm pretty sure you don't want to put water on your TV screen. So I grabbed a rag and managed to clean off all of the offending crayon. Thank goodness.

Then it was punishment time. I told Bunny that I was glad she told me what she did. But I also told her that we can only color on paper so she would have to have a time out. So she said she was sorry and stood in the corner and took her time out like a champ.

All in all not too bad. But note to self, make sure there are no crayons lying around unless there is paper too.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Little Pink Houses

I've been thinking about houses a lot lately.

Primarily because I would like to move out of the CrapShack we are currently living in. Lets just say that 9+ inches of rain in June and a leaky basement do not mix. But fingers crossed we will have that repaired by July (hopefully).

But also because Bunny has reached the stage where she is ready for a playhouse. She has an imaginary house which lives behind the curtains in our bedroom, in her room or well behind any curtain. I also built her a house out of cardboard blocks which is large enough for her to sit in. It also has windows for the animals from the Little People Zoo and Farm to look out of. She loves this house. And she also loves knocking it down with her hands, shopping cart, bus etc. and asking me to rebuild.

I'm kind of getting tired of constantly remodeling her house (when I'd rather be remodling the CrapShack). So I am considering two more permanent options for her. The first is a curtain house in her room. Her room has a cubby (large enough for a desk later) which has a lower ceiling than the rest of the room. I plan to hang a curtain across it, put some blankets and pillows down and let it be her little house. I think she'd love it.

I am also considering buying her an outdoor playhouse. I'd love to buy one of these beauties. But I really can't justify anything nicer than the CrapShack because she may never want to come inside. So most likely it will be one of those molded plastic type things that can survive a nuculear bomb. So I'll be on the lookout for one at yard sales this summer.

But maybe we could solve all our problems and just move the whole family into this. What? It could work.

Monday, June 9, 2008

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Lately Bunny has been displaying very good coordination. She wanted to learn how to stand on one foot and then jump on one foot. So she has been practicing all the time. She will hold your hand or hold onto a piece of furniture and practice.

Well it seems that all this practice has paid off. Yesterday she managed to stand on one foot several different times. It was only for about 2 seconds a time, but she did it.

Needless to say I was very impressed. One that she could do it and two because I really can't. You see I am not very coordinated. You can blame it the fact that I was 5'10" by the time I was 12 or whatever. But as Bubs likes to say, I should not be allowed to walk unsupervised.

Tables, chairs, doors and even walls are my enemy. They all lie in wait ready to jump out at any moment and attack. I have had countless bumps and brusies due to these inanimate objects.

I once walked into the locked part of a double door while out with a guy I liked in college (it was in the middle of the afternoon at a bank so don't get any ideas). Needless to say we didn't go out for much longer.

I've also broken my big toe walking. You see I was wearing flip flops and tripped over a raised portion of the sidewalk. Very graceful, very painful.

So, yes I am a bit jealous of Bunny's extraordinary coordination. But I am also glad that she is unlikely to suffer my fate.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

The Quest for Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby Number Two

This is not one of those laugh at my crazy ass life posts. This is the real deal, my life raw and uncensored. Maybe its because its been a crazy tornadic day, maybe its bad pizza talking, I don't know. But I can't sleep because I need to get this out to the world.

Now you know that Bubs and I have been married for 10 years. For the first six and 1/2 years we actively tried to have a baby naturally. Now I know that its really hard to get knocked up, you have like to hit this 18 hour window exactly or it doesn't happen. But after trying for six plus years, we really couldn't chalk it up to "bad timing". My period became my enemy. I would break out sobbing everytime I saw that tell tale red streak. I had failed yet again. Something had to be wrong with me.

Everyone offered advice. And let me tell you, when you are in the Shit, you don't want people giving you advice. Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I wanted to strangle someone when they said "Just relax and it will happen." Not at all helpful.

And then it seemed like all my friends were getting pregnant. There was something in the water. And they had only been trying for like 10 minutes, not 6 years. I really wanted to be happy for them, and I guess I was. But I was also crying inside because I was a complete failure. Not good.

So we had to do something about it or I would have been more of an emotional wreck than I usually am. I had some tests done and Bubs had some tests done. Everything was normal, or at least did not prevent us from conceiving. But we hadn't, so something was up.

Next on the list of things to do was a referral to a fertility specialist. I don't know why but this really freaked me out. I didn't want to know that there was something wrong with me that prevented me from having that much wanted child. I was a mother and nothing anyone could say would tell me otherwise. Plus I knew if I tried in vitro and it didn't work, I would be wrecked, a quivering mass of jelly on the floor. I didn't think I could recover from that. So needless to say we didn't pursue that option.

So we plunged headfirst into the world of adoption. After considering all of our options, we chose to adopt from China. When we began the process, we had no idea what was going to happen. At the time the wait was 6 to 9 months for a child. Great, we thought we'd have a baby by Christmas. But that is not how it happens for me, it is never that easy.

The paperwork took longer than we thought and the wait time increased. This constant state of not knowing what was going on really got to me. I knew I was going to have a baby and I talked about it a lot. However, no one else could tell. There were no outward signs, no tell tale bump. I got a lot of strange looks when I discussed having a baby while drinking a cocktail. "Hmm maybe we better call Social Services on this one" type looks. But the baby really was coming, eventually, just not out of me.

Finally 18 months after starting the process, I got the phone call that forever changed my life. I was the mother of a beautiful little girl halfway around the world. I had to wait another two months to meet her, but it was well worth the wait. And ever since I met her, my life has been a crazy, unpredictable mess and I wouldn't change a thing.

So lately I've been feeling like its time for baby number two. Except as we now know its not just as easy as getting knocked up. There is a lot of shit involved. Its not up to me when we have our next child, its up to a lot of other people half way around the world. They've never met me. They don't know that now would be a great time for Bunny to have a sibling. They don't really care. And that is a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

In fact, wait times in China have increased to 30 months from the time your paperwork is logged in the Chinese system (we waited 13). That's almost 2 1/2 years. And there are rumors that the wait will go up to 5 years. 5 years! That is not acceptable to me. I'll be 44 and Bunny will be 7, no way Jose.

So now that we are ready to begin our quest for Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby Number Two, it seems that we are back at the drawing board.

Ice Cream Its What's for Dinner

Well actually frozen custard which is better than ice cream ever thought of being. If you don't believe me hop on a plane and fly to Milwaukee and stop at Kopps or Leon's. You won't regret it. Seriously.

Now before anyone gets all preachy and judgemental about how ice cream is not a proper dinner for a two year old, let me explain. Little Miss Bunny Foo Foo is cutting two of her 2 yr molars and is an absolute joy to be around as you can imagine. The constant whining and crying, the typical drill.

Yesterday was especially bad. She was unhappy all day. Even a trip to the bookstore to play with Thomas the Train did nothing to improve her mood. She didn't want to eat or do anything I said.

She woke up from her nap in the worst mood. She just sat on the floor whining. Occasionally she would gesture towards a toy and start screaming "I need it, I need it." When she got it she would feel better for a while but would start whining again. Nothing seemed to help, not her favorite toys, not Elmo, Word World, Ni Hao Kai-lan or Little Einsteins. Nothing.

Finally the Tylenol kicked in and she approached normal cranky toddler levels, just in time for Daddy to get home (lucky). He took her to the park and I started dinner. I was planning on making homemade sorbet for desert. I figured the cold would help. But it was not to be. At the park Bubs promised her we would walk to Roberts for ice cream (custard but she doesn't know the difference) after dinner.

As you can imagine that was pretty much that. She managed to eat a fistfull of noodles and one chicken nugget. But she basically kept saying "I want ice cream, I want ice cream." So that was what we did.

Today she seems much better, hopefully the teeth will come in quickly so we don't have another day like that. And now Bubs knows that he cannot mention ice cream before dinner because there will be no dinner, only ice cream.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Be Careful What You Wish For - A Cautionary Tale

The internet is a powerful force. It is a fountain of information, both useful and not. It contains wonderful sites that enable you to waste an entire day with out accomplishing anything useful. (hello You Tube!) It allows people like myself to publish randomness to thousands of readers. Okay maybe not thousands, more like dozens. Ok 5 (hi Mom!).

But did you know that the internet also has the power to make your wishes come true. It does. Or at least it did in my case.

Here is my story. Last October when I was still an employed worker bee, I posted on a message board I frequent that I was going to quit my job at the end of the year. It was part venting about how much I disliked my job, and part wishful thinking.

Well three weeks to the day that I sent that thought out into the wilds of the internet, my wish was granted. Against my will. You see my boss decided to "restructure" our office and let everyone go. Man was I mad. How dare he! I was going to quit! I wanted that satisfaction. But no.

I went back into my office and asked the internet how it could do this to me. The internet just laughed and laughed. "You got what you wanted sister. You would never have had the guts to do it on your own. So I made it happen. How do you like me now? What?"

Well truth be told, I did not like the internet one bit at that point. But I really couldn't be mad at it for too long. There was another new video on You Tube I had to check out, so we made up.

But I began to wonder, is the internet really all powerful? It made one dream happen, could it make another? So I cautiously posted another dream, "I want to win $1,000,000." I didn't want to go overboard, $1,000,000 was a reasonable number. I waited and waited. I checked the mail every day, no one sent me money. Publisher's Clearing House never rang my doorbell.

So I angrily asked the internet "What's up with that? Where's my $1,000,000?"

"Stupid girl. That's not how I roll. Now shut up and check your Myspace page, you have three new friend requests."

So I did, and my crazy mixed up love affair with the internet continues.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Music Appreciation

Bunny likes music. Real music, not the made for toddlers junk, but real music.

I always have the radio on in the car and she has definite opinions about the music she hears. Songs that are slow are deamed "sad songs" and she does not like them at all. When she hears a song she likes, she says "I love that song."

Yesterday she deemed Sara Barellies sad, but said she loved Jewel, interesting. Crossroads by Cream produces head bobbing in the background. REM and U2 are acceptable. Coldplay and Snow Patrol, not so lucky. No Doubt induces dancing. The key it seems is a good beat that you can shake your stuff to.

So given these musical tastes, I put together a little mix for Bunny on my i-pod. We tried it out yesterday with great results. Every so often when a new song came on, she stopped what she was doing, ran to the middle of the carpet and started to dance. She'd scream, "Dance, Mommy, Dance." So I danced.

We danced together in the middle of the living room, right in front of the window, not caring who saw. We danced for the sheer joy of it. And it was beautiful.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Attitude of Gratitude June 4th

Today I am greatful for the ability to sleep in.

Now what qualifies as sleeping in depends on your perspective. In the old pre-child days, sleeping in meant 10, 11 or even noon (depending on the previous nights activities). And this was a gloriously deep and uninterrupted sleep.

With Bunny in my life, sleeping in means 7 or gasp! 7:30.

But today we kicked it old school and slept in til 8. Aww yeah!

Attitude of Gratitude

Cool Kids

There was always a lunch table or other spot where the cool kids gathered. They were easy to spot in grade school. And they ruled the high school hallways. If you were on the fringes or in the shadows like I was, they seemed so inapproachable. But there was always a yearning to be a part of the group, to be accepted.

That was why I was so greatful for high school to end. Cliques were much harder to identify in college, especially if there were 80,000 undergrads at your school. It was much easier to be accepted for who you were, not who you knew.

I thought my days of running into cliques were in the distant past. Until I became a stay at home mom. Now I would love to have a group of mom friends who I can get together with. We could throw the kids in the backyard or in the playroom and chat while they play. It would be great.

Except now I feel like I'm back in high school again. I go to events with other mothers and kids. The kids run around like the crazy kids they are. The moms talk to the moms they know. They don't go out of their way to talk to the newcommers. OMG its a clique!

Just like in high school I freeze when confronted with this possibility. I am shy and reserved by nature but I get tounge tied when faced with a group of two or more people. I don't know what to say, I stammer and stutter, generally I act like a huge dork. So I don't make any new friends and I cry a little bit inside just like in high school.

Now you are probably thinking just get over yourself Renee. You won't burst into flames if you talk to someone. No one will bite your head off if you approach them. Logically I know this but the group setting makes me an ackward gangly teenager again.

I joined a moms group to make friends. I've gone to some of the events with kids but I haven't gone to any of the mom's only stuff. Why? Because the meetings are on Tuesdays and that's when I have yoga. Oh that's great, rather than going to an event and meeting moms you could become friends with, you stand in a room were the point is not to talk to others. Again I know its not logical.

And you know what's even better, I had something else going on last night and missed the meeting on . . . Wait for it . . . Friendship! Sigh!

Author's note I am adding this post script to say that the above post was not a desperate cry for friends. I have friends, like 5 of them, so there. One of them even called me today after reading this post . . .(insert evil laugh here "My plan worked!") The author's intention was to show that even at my advanced age I am still just the same dork, lameass and goober I was in high school.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Some Days

Some days you wake up at the crack of dawn.

Some days nothing goes right. A trip to the beach breaks down into a whinefest because there is yucky smelly seaweed along the shore. A trip to the grocery store turns into a full blown tantrum. Meal time becomes a battleground.

Some days you are so mind numbingly tired that you put your shirt on inside out. And when you finally notice and go to turn it right side out you realize that you are not in your home but on the street on the way to the park. Your brain is so hazy that you think its logical to change it in the park bathroom until the scent reminds you not to. So you don't change and you climb into bed still wearing that same inside out shirt.

Some days your toddler decides not to nap.

Some days you are so soul crushingly tired that you close the door to the bathroom so you don't have to cry in front of your toddler.

Some days your toddler is so cranky that she will throw a toy across the room and in the very next breath sob because she wants it back.

Some days you yell at your husband when he calls from the store that you sent him to because he is not here to help.

Some days your body just aches and you are asleep before your head hits the pillow.

But then some days you get to sleep in to 7:30. And you are greeted with a smile so bright that it could power the entire city for a month. Some days you know are going to be better.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Some Assembly Required

What to you get when you take two people with a combined 38 years of education and add in a tricycle with less than clear assembly instructions? Tragedy (or high comedy) depending on your point of view.

Yesterday we decided to put together Bunny's trike. We've only had it for 3 weeks. Normally we'd let it go at least another 2 but the weather appears to finally to have turned warm. So we decided to give it a go.

We pulled out every piece and found the required Phillips head screwdriver and wrench. We studied the instruction manual which appeared to be simple enough and started the assembly. Appearances can be decieving my friend, it was not as simple as it looked.

As the project took longer and longer, Bubs and I grew more frustrated. With the project and with eachother. And that is when the fighting started. Now Bubs and I have perfected the art of silent fighting. Like stealthy ninjas, we can have an argument and yell at eachother while conversing about normal things at a normal level of voice. The key to silent fighting is the tone of voice. With the proper tone you can turn a simple phrase like "Did you tighten the screw?" into "Did you even read the directions you big fat stupid head? No of course you didn't, you never do." Its as simple as that.

So there we were, fighting eachother and this little trike like ninjas. We turned it upside down and sideways until we finally figured out a way to tighten the screws enough that the bike would not fall apart. It involved one of us holding the screw with the screwdriver and the other tightening the bolt with the wrench. Not the best way I am sure but it worked. So crisis averted.

When Bunny awoke from her nap, she found a completed trike in the living room and squeeled with delight. Of course she just reaches the pedals and we will most likely have to readjust the seat so she can actually pedal. Luckily for us there is a parental steer on the bike so we won't have to attack the trike with tools just yet.