Friday, April 9, 2010

My Heart

My heart beats lub dub, lub dub, click.

The click was thrown in the mix just to remind me its not perfect, that I'm not perfect. Its the little imperfection, that I once thought would be the end of me, that has made me stronger more aware.

My heart beats lub dub, lub dub, click.

It beats for a little girl, a little girl I first held in my arms 3 1/2 years ago. I missed the first 9 months of her life. I never heard her heart beat in the womb. I missed her first breath. Even with all the time I missed, the love I felt for her was growing in my heart. I felt her with me. I felt her heart beating with mine. Lub dub. Lub dub. Click.

Since that day, my heart has grown stronger with the love I feel for her. Lub dub. Lub dub. Click.

My heart beats lub dub, lub dub, click.

It beats for a little boy who I have yet to meet, a boy I have yet to hold in my arms. I've missed the first 14 months of his life. I never heard his heart beat in the womb. I missed his first breath. I never saw him crawl. I missed his first steps. I did not hear his first word. Even with all the time I've missed, the love I feel for him is growing in my heart. I feel him with me. I feel his heart beating with mine. Lub dub. Lub dub. Click.

Despite the pain of waiting, my heart will not break. It will continue beating. It is strengthened by the hearts of two wonderful children.

My heart beats lub dub, lub dub, click.


Diana of Diana Rambles said...

R~ Your posts are so well written. Hugs to you. I hope Lion is in your arms SOON!

Issa said...

beautiful post my friend. he'll be here soon. i just know it.

love you tons. hope you guys have a great time at the water park this weekend.

**please excuse the no caps. i am one handed this week.

AmazingGreis said...

This post is absolutely beautiful. Your Lion will be home soon. XOXO

Michelle said...

Your posts are always so inspirational and thought provoking. Just know that we're all on your side in this journey to bring Lion home!!!!

Lisa @ Let's Talk Babies said...

Wow, Renee, this is just simply a beautiful post. Lion will be with you soon and you'll hold him in your arms.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You are one strong lady Renee.

Christy said...

Oh I can't imagine how hard this...I know I've said it before but I'm sending you all kinds of positive thoughts.

PsychMamma said...

Finally to an internet connection where I can comment and tell you how beautiful I think this post is and how much I love your heart.

I'm thinking about all of you daily and hoping that the time passes quickly until your heart can finally connect with Lion's in person.


Heather said...

Lion will be in your arms soon, and all that love you feel for him will just ooze out of your every pore.

xoxo, beautiful

Kari said...

This is why my absolute favorite quote is "to have a child, is to forever watch your heart walk around outside your body". So, so true. Thinking about you...

Annabelle said...

We have never met, but I was pointed to your post about "the process of 'having a baby'" by another adoptive mom. I bawled my eyes out through the whole thing. We are the adoptive parents of two, waiting to make our family even bigger. You capsulized everything I am feeling. I hope you don't mind, but I copied and pasted your blog into our adoption journal (just for our to be baby's eyes) and of course I gave you a citation!! You really do have an amazing way with words.
PS- I am wondering about "My Heart", did you have a valve replaced?