There was always a lunch table or other spot where the cool kids gathered. They were easy to spot in grade school. And they ruled the high school hallways. If you were on the fringes or in the shadows like I was, they seemed so inapproachable. But there was always a yearning to be a part of the group, to be accepted.
That was why I was so greatful for high school to end. Cliques were much harder to identify in college, especially if there were 80,000 undergrads at your school. It was much easier to be accepted for who you were, not who you knew.
I thought my days of running into cliques were in the distant past. Until I became a stay at home mom. Now I would love to have a group of mom friends who I can get together with. We could throw the kids in the backyard or in the playroom and chat while they play. It would be great.
Except now I feel like I'm back in high school again. I go to events with other mothers and kids. The kids run around like the crazy kids they are. The moms talk to the moms they know. They don't go out of their way to talk to the newcommers. OMG its a clique!
Just like in high school I freeze when confronted with this possibility. I am shy and reserved by nature but I get tounge tied when faced with a group of two or more people. I don't know what to say, I stammer and stutter, generally I act like a huge dork. So I don't make any new friends and I cry a little bit inside just like in high school.
Now you are probably thinking just get over yourself Renee. You won't burst into flames if you talk to someone. No one will bite your head off if you approach them. Logically I know this but the group setting makes me an ackward gangly teenager again.
I joined a moms group to make friends. I've gone to some of the events with kids but I haven't gone to any of the mom's only stuff. Why? Because the meetings are on Tuesdays and that's when I have yoga. Oh that's great, rather than going to an event and meeting moms you could become friends with, you stand in a room were the point is not to talk to others. Again I know its not logical.
And you know what's even better, I had something else going on last night and missed the meeting on . . . Wait for it . . . Friendship! Sigh!
Author's note I am adding this post script to say that the above post was not a desperate cry for friends. I have friends, like 5 of them, so there. One of them even called me today after reading this post . . .(insert evil laugh here "My plan worked!") The author's intention was to show that even at my advanced age I am still just the same dork, lameass and goober I was in high school.