Part 2 of the Quest for Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby #2

Read part one here.

The Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby # 2 shall henceforth be known as Turtle (because NEHB#2 sounds silly).

So in May Bubs and I decided on our course of action for Turtle. We decided to try fertility treatments and to file our paperwork with China. We felt this would cover our bases quite nicely. If the fertility treatments worked we would have a biological child with in the next year or so and the would adopt our third child from China in three years. If the fertility treatments didn't work, we could switch our dossier to special needs and adopt sooner.

It was the perfect plan. But as I have found out perfect plan and Renee do not belong in the same sentence. Heck we're not even on the same planet. The universe mocks me and my planning.

I made an appointment with my doctor. Given what we had found out previously, I suspected that there would be no major issues and we could start the dance. I had been having normal periods and the ovulation sticks had dectected ovulation. No problem right?

Not so fast my friend, the universe taunted. After reviewing my FSH (folicle stimulating hormone) levels the doctor said they were very high. So she ordered a new test and it was even higher. High FSH levels generally mean you are no longer producing eggs. So this is not good news.

The next step was an ultrasound to check the status of my ovaries and eggs. So I went and had the goop slathered on. It was weird to see an ultrasound picture with no baby inside. Just an empty uterus. It was kind of sad. As the technician was reviewing the results she asked me what day of my cycle I was on. I answered day 18. Her response "Oh, okay. Hmmmm." That did not sound like good news.

And of course it wasn't. My doctor said she could not see any folicles in my ovaries. Which meant there were no eggs this time. My uterus was also thin, meaning there was no estrogen stimulating my cycle.

I asked what it meant bottom-line. She said either you are entering menopause or this is just a fluke. Regular cycles in all the previous months could mean a fluke. Or it just could be that we've caught the exact beginning of the end. She said we have to wait until the end of July to know for sure. Either I get my period and we do more tests. Or I don't and that is that.

So this means that it is extremely unlikely that Turtle will be coming out of me. And I'm not really that sad about it. Its hard to mourn for something you never really had. I've actively tried to have a baby and not tried not to have one for the past 10 years. So I just assumed there was an infertility problem. And now its pretty much confirmed.

The whole premature menopause thing? That really bothers me. I'm not sure I'm ready for "symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, night sweats, irritability, vaginal dryness, low sex drive, or trouble sleeping." (Thanks WebMd, I really wanted to know about that.) I'm only 38 and that really sucks.

So now I'll be watching and waiting all throughout July. But because we've already adopted, I still know that Turtle is out there somewhere (or will be soon). So I can still be his mother. (Did I just type him? I don't know why but I think Turtle is a boy). We are in the process of re-evaluating our options, yet again.