You Always Want What You Don't Have

As many of you know I live in a CrapShack which I hate for all of its brokeness. Its a curse I have to bear until I can get enough money to fix all of its problems. But by that time I will probably be dead or living in Del Boca Vista. So it will always be the CrapShack to me.

Because of this, I have developed a bad habit. I am addicted to glossy shelter magazines and design shows on television, what I like to call House Porn. I get so excited when my copy of Elle Decor arrives in my mail box. If I'm at the drug store or book store, I'll often pick up a copy of Archetectural Digest or Metropolitan Home.

Then when I have some free time, I run to my room to peruse its contents. I stare loveingly at its pages. Oohing and ahhing over the Viking Ranges, non-peed upon couches and working bathrooms. I save the magazines to read over and over again. Its truly a sickness. Then when I'm finally ready to part with them, I will tear out pictures of the kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms and frankly the houses I want to live in. Someday.

The design shows do it for me too. I love to see the transformation of the home from plain (or plain ugly) to beautiful. And I dream that someday it will happen to me. But it won't because all of the shows seem to take place in California or "Big City". They won't take place in the heartland. But they could.

See I have an idea for a new show. You take some big time, fancy scmancy interior designer and architect away from their champagne and caviar clients and have them redo a house on a beer and brats budget. Its genius. Its got everything you need for good TV. Drama, could Kelly Wearstler or Katie Ridder handle the challenge? Tears from the homeowners and possibly the designers. And the first challenge? You guessed it fixing up the CrapShack.

So hopefully you'll be seeing this show on HGTV or Bravo sometime soon. And I'll be raking in the dough with my Executive Producer credit.