Or how to drive yourself absolutely insane
Yesterday I had the bright idea of taking Bunny with me when I do the shopping for the week. I've taken her before but its usually a quick trip to pick up one or two things we need. And there is always bribery involved.
I figured we could go before music class. It was 8:30 and music class isn't until 11. No problem, right?
Yeah, not so much. It took almost 45 minutes to get us both dressed. Then another 15 minutes to find our (her) shoes. Then we had do decide which dinos would come with us. She wanted to bring 5. I told her we could bring two that would fit in her purse. We finally compromised on two in the purse and Gigantosaurus who can't fit in the purse because he is gigantic.
So we rolled out the door at 9:45 and drove to the grocery store. Our big grocery store is right across from the Co-op where I usually shop with Bunny. But because we needed a lot of things we hit the big one. Well she could see the Co-op and started screaming "I want Apple Ginger juice" over and over.
That juice is part of the normal shopping bribery because it is actually made with carrots and is a way for her to actually ingest a vegetable. I explained that we weren't going there but we had "Special" milk (regular milk with a dash of chocolate milk for color) and Teddy Grams. That seemed to calm her down.
The second we got in the store I realized I had forgotten my list. I should have aborted the mission at that time but I figured I could just wing it. As we were tooling around the produce section I grabbed as much as I could remember from the list. I passed the green onions and something registered in my head that I should buy some. But I overruled myself and kept on walking. Never overrule yourself, always listen to the voice(s) in your head.
Next we headed to the coffee bar so Mom could get her fuel. While we were waiting for the coffee, they were putting out samples of a new smoothie. Ok, I thought, we'll just use this as our bribe for the day. Bad, bad idea. The little taste awoke the juice monster once more. She kept chanting "Juice, j - oooce. Say it louder j - oooooce." (because she's 2 1/2 and loves to torture me). When they handed me my latte, I wished I had ordered a triple.
Then we went up and down the aisles grabbing what I could remember. She then decided to take out all the dinos and ask me questions.
"Mommy does Giganta like that?" "No sweetie he's a meat eater. He wouldn't like applesauce."
"Mommy Parasaurolophus wants to hold that box." "No sweetie we don't need what's in that box."
"Mommy, Minmi wants to know why." "Because."
"Mommy, Giganta wants j - oooooce." "Go to your happy place Renee. Just think of puppies. Everything will be okay."
And then because its 10am on a Monday the store was filled with eldery people and other moms. The moms looked at me with empathy. The grandmas and grandpas kept stopping me. "Is that your daughter? She's a real cutie." Um yeah not so much today.
I finally staggerd to the check out line with "j - oooooooooce" still ringing in my ears. I started to place the groceries on the conveyor. Bunny decided she wanted to help and tried to stand up in the cart. I managed to get her to sit down but then had to hand over every item so she could place it on the conveyor. "I'm helping Mommy." "Yes sweetie such a good helper."
We made it home and unloaded the groceries. Then we piled back in the car and made it to music class with 2 minutes to spare. After class one of the girls passed out treats for her 2nd birthday. Cupcakes and juice, just what I needed. I grabbed the cupcake and said she could have it for desert after lunch. But she managed to get a hold of the juice box.
"Mommy j - oooooooce. Open the j - ooooooce. I want the j - ooooooooooooce."
I started shaking from head to toe. I looked at the other mother with shock. "How could you do this? How could you possibly bring sugar and juice? I just can't belive that you would do such a thing. No juice, no juice ever."
Or maybe I just said thank you. I don't really remember much except for the fact that I've developed some sort of nervous tic whenever I hear the word juice.
J - ooooooooooooooooce