Saturday, August 30, 2008

Just When I Get Out, They Pull Me Back In

As you can tell from my last post I've got some issues. I've over committed myself and its starting to mess with my head. Now my head, some may say, is already messed up and didn't need anything more added to the mix.

But I suffer from a condition common to many women, the inability to say no. No is a simple word, its only two letters N-O. But I find it difficult to say.

Maybe it stems from my junior high insecurities, I want you to like me so I'll say yes and help you out. So you'll think that Renee's a great girl, always willing to help out, let's be friends with her.

Maybe its a mom thing. I'm so used to helping someone meet their basic needs that its just easy to help anyone else. You can't find your dinosaur? You need help? Let mommy help you. You need me to what? Ok, I'll help.

Maybe its because I'm not working outside of the house anymore and I need a way to stay connected to the "real world". When I was working every day I didn't do this much. I said yes all day at work but said no to other things because I was too tired. Now that I'm home with Bunny its like "you want me to spend time with adults and not talk about dinosaurs or using the potty? Cool where do I sign up?"

Even when I want to say no, I say yes. Every fiber of my being is screaming no, no don't do it but my mouth is saying ok. Stupid mouth.

But after my panic attack on Friday, I decided to let go of something. I looked at what I was doing, planning a wine tasting event and being a team leader for the Obama campaign. I weighed the pros and cons of each.

Wine tasting - wine at all the planning meetings, meeting people who could help me get into writing, wine, manageable commitment, wine. Did I mention the wine. No real downside there.

Obama team - making a difference, making history. But there are some downsides - 10 hour per week commitment, recruiting new volunteers, too much responsibility, if someone doesn't do their job, I'd have to do it.

It seemed like the choice was clear. I was going to have to quit the Obama team. But I felt guilty. I'd made a commitment, how could I back out?

Bubs tried to reason with me. "You can still canvass and phone occasionally, just not all the time." He even said that Obama would understand and agree that I have to do what is right for me and my family. I'm not giving up completely, I'm still voting for him.

Ok, that did it. I was going to call the campaign and explain the situation. And then it happened. Mike from the campaign said Obama's coming on Monday. We want you to volunteer all day. You can hear him speak and possibly meet him. And what did I say? YES. I can quit next week.


Maggie, Dammit said...

I saw Black Hockey Jesus, I saw Wisconsin, I saw 'issues,' I saw wine, and I saw Obama.

Hi. I'm here to stay.


Z said...

NO, such a small little word, such a hard one to say...

Yeah, I hear ya on this. And next week? We'll work on your "NO" - but I think the yes of this week might just be worth it :)

anymommy said...

Deep breaths. That is really exciting and historic. You can definitely quit next week!