This past weekend I was at the BlogHer conference in San Diego. It was an amazing experience.
I went for the conference but in reality the main reason was to see my friends. Friends I have made through blogging. Friends that even though we had not yet met in person it felt like we had. And new friends met at the conference(like her, her, her, her, her, her and her).
Some of my best memories were outside of the conference space itself, hanging out with these women. We talked about life. We talked about silly stuff. We talked about our passions and interests. We talked about writing.
When I said I want to freelance and I want to write a book, no one laughed. No one said, good luck with that. They understood. They had those dreams too. We shared ideas. "This is what I am doing." "Did you ever think about this?" "How about . . ."
Being at the conference and in the company of these amazing women, it made me realize that I have a lot to say. It made me realize that I can do this, I can take this further. It filled me with hope. It made me say I am a writer.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thank You
Today is my birthday. My 40th birthday. The big 4 - 0. And you know what? I am totally cool with that because I am seriously one of the luckiest people on earth.
So today I am going to thank all of the people who have made me feel so blessed and lucky.
First I want to thank my parents because really this day is all about them. Without them, I wouldn't be here. Without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. You are two of the most amazing people I have ever met, thank you for being you.
Second, I want to thank my husband. There are so many reasons why I love him but I wanted to share two with you. He helped me realize a nearly lifelong dream yesterday and thereby resolving one of the two bones of contention that we had in our marriage. Ironically both involve baseball (and to be fair there is nothing he can do about the other one so I just need to let it go).
You see I am a huge Brewers fan. I have been for all of my life. When I was a kid, I belonged to the kids club and went to a lot of games. Every year I would look at the schedule and see if there was a game on my birthday. I thought there would be nothing cooler than having your name on the scoreboard on your birthday. For whatever reason I never went to a birthday game.
Until September 28, 2000, my 31st birthday. It was also the last game at County Stadium, the old Brewers' stadium. I told Frink about my wish and asked him to call to have my name on the scoreboard. It would have been awesome to see my name on that old scoreboard on that special day. But he didn't call. And my name wasn't in lights on that day. And I kind of held a grudge for the next 9 years. I even organized a tailgate for one of his birthdays and had his name on the scoreboard.
But then we got tickets to yesterday's game. The day before my birthday. I reminded him about my childhood dream. And this time he came through, which is totally awesome.
But more importantly, he did something for me which was just amazing. Last week we had a discussion about what I wanted to do for my birthday. We didn't have anything special planned so we'd have to throw something together last minute. We decided on dinner at my favorite restaurant with some friends. When he asked who I wanted to invite, I started to cry because so many of the people I would want there were so far away.
So he e-mailed my friend Issa and told her that I was feeling down about my birthday. And together they cooked up the best present a girl could ask for. So thank you, Frink. You are truly amazing.
Now I'm going to thank Issa and my other wonderful friends for the wonderful gift they have given me. Issa organized a blog party for my birthday. She got all of these amazing bloggers who I read,admire and love, some who I know personally and some who I am waiting to meet, to send me birthday wishes from their own blogs. I was floored when I saw this. This blog and the people I have met through it have meant so much to me and to receive something like this means everything.
So thank you Issa, Mommy Geekology, Matthew, Kirsten, Bridget, Kate, Heather, Greis and Stacey for making my day all the more special.
Finally, I want to thank my beautiful girl, Bunny. She's the reason I started this little blog. She is the reason that I do everything. And she is the reason I am truly blessed.
So today I am going to thank all of the people who have made me feel so blessed and lucky.
First I want to thank my parents because really this day is all about them. Without them, I wouldn't be here. Without them, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. You are two of the most amazing people I have ever met, thank you for being you.
Second, I want to thank my husband. There are so many reasons why I love him but I wanted to share two with you. He helped me realize a nearly lifelong dream yesterday and thereby resolving one of the two bones of contention that we had in our marriage. Ironically both involve baseball (and to be fair there is nothing he can do about the other one so I just need to let it go).
You see I am a huge Brewers fan. I have been for all of my life. When I was a kid, I belonged to the kids club and went to a lot of games. Every year I would look at the schedule and see if there was a game on my birthday. I thought there would be nothing cooler than having your name on the scoreboard on your birthday. For whatever reason I never went to a birthday game.
Until September 28, 2000, my 31st birthday. It was also the last game at County Stadium, the old Brewers' stadium. I told Frink about my wish and asked him to call to have my name on the scoreboard. It would have been awesome to see my name on that old scoreboard on that special day. But he didn't call. And my name wasn't in lights on that day. And I kind of held a grudge for the next 9 years. I even organized a tailgate for one of his birthdays and had his name on the scoreboard.
But then we got tickets to yesterday's game. The day before my birthday. I reminded him about my childhood dream. And this time he came through, which is totally awesome.
But more importantly, he did something for me which was just amazing. Last week we had a discussion about what I wanted to do for my birthday. We didn't have anything special planned so we'd have to throw something together last minute. We decided on dinner at my favorite restaurant with some friends. When he asked who I wanted to invite, I started to cry because so many of the people I would want there were so far away.
So he e-mailed my friend Issa and told her that I was feeling down about my birthday. And together they cooked up the best present a girl could ask for. So thank you, Frink. You are truly amazing.
Now I'm going to thank Issa and my other wonderful friends for the wonderful gift they have given me. Issa organized a blog party for my birthday. She got all of these amazing bloggers who I read,admire and love, some who I know personally and some who I am waiting to meet, to send me birthday wishes from their own blogs. I was floored when I saw this. This blog and the people I have met through it have meant so much to me and to receive something like this means everything.
So thank you Issa, Mommy Geekology, Matthew, Kirsten, Bridget, Kate, Heather, Greis and Stacey for making my day all the more special.
Finally, I want to thank my beautiful girl, Bunny. She's the reason I started this little blog. She is the reason that I do everything. And she is the reason I am truly blessed.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Comfort
As I rode the train to the BlogHer conference, I was scared. I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick. I was going to something that was so beyond my comfort zone and I was going alone.
I knew no one.
Well I "knew" some people, but I had never met them. My two worlds, the world inside my computer and the world outside of it were going to connect. And I wasn't really sure what was going to happen. Would they like me? Would I like them? Would I be able to unfreeze my tongue and actually speak to them? Would I hide in the back of the room? Or would I hide out in my room, only venturing out for panels and food?
And then it hit me, I didn't have a room for Thursday night. I had no place to hide. I would be forced to mix and mingle. Because, in a totally uncharacteristic move, I asked someone I didn't know (in real life) if I could crash in their room. I couldn't very well be anti-social since they were being so nice to me. So I opened my mouth and words actually came out.
The more I spoke and the more I was spoken too, the more I relaxed. Maybe I could do this, maybe I would actually have fun. So I went with it, speaking to everyone I met and having fun along the way.
When I finally did retreat to my room for the night to rest my aching head and tired feet, I found no comfort. There was only the choice between chairs and the floor. I tried scrunching my 5'10" frame into the arm chair and resting my feet on the desk chair. The floor was an option, but not an appealing one. I moved from chair to floor and back again, trying to find a place to rest. I looked enviously at the beds. Their occupants were deep in sleep, oblivious to the world around them. I wanted that, I needed that.
At 2 am, I was sitting on the floor, alone again. I realized that I had not quite overcome my discomfort. I could have asked someone else, someone with only one roommate, if I could have shared their room for the night instead of being the awkward fifth in a room of four. The women I met were kind and would not have turned me away. But I could not ask. I did not ask.
I woke up in the morning, feeling much older than my almost 40 years. My body hurt. My head ached. My nerves were raw. I was not looking forward to the day. I was looking forward to 3pm when I could check into my room and have a bed to myself. Bleary eyed and tired, I imagined that I would, in fact, retreat to my room.
But again, greetings were extended to me, arms waved me over, seats were saved for me. I was welcomed wholeheartedly into the community. Laughing and hugging and sharing stories soothed my aches and pains and rubbed away the jagged edges of my nerves. When it was time to check into my room and finally had my own bed, the wonderfully soft and comfy bed with its own gravitational pull, I did not want to stay there. I wanted to be out amongst the friends that I had made. I wanted to meet more people.
The last night of the conference, late at night, I sat on a bed. I was not alone. I was surrounded by people, real live people, my friends. We talked and laughed. We took pictures in an attempt to capture the moment. We talked some more. We laughed at things that are flappy. We created lasting memories.
I had finally found my comfort.
I knew no one.
Well I "knew" some people, but I had never met them. My two worlds, the world inside my computer and the world outside of it were going to connect. And I wasn't really sure what was going to happen. Would they like me? Would I like them? Would I be able to unfreeze my tongue and actually speak to them? Would I hide in the back of the room? Or would I hide out in my room, only venturing out for panels and food?
And then it hit me, I didn't have a room for Thursday night. I had no place to hide. I would be forced to mix and mingle. Because, in a totally uncharacteristic move, I asked someone I didn't know (in real life) if I could crash in their room. I couldn't very well be anti-social since they were being so nice to me. So I opened my mouth and words actually came out.
The more I spoke and the more I was spoken too, the more I relaxed. Maybe I could do this, maybe I would actually have fun. So I went with it, speaking to everyone I met and having fun along the way.
When I finally did retreat to my room for the night to rest my aching head and tired feet, I found no comfort. There was only the choice between chairs and the floor. I tried scrunching my 5'10" frame into the arm chair and resting my feet on the desk chair. The floor was an option, but not an appealing one. I moved from chair to floor and back again, trying to find a place to rest. I looked enviously at the beds. Their occupants were deep in sleep, oblivious to the world around them. I wanted that, I needed that.
At 2 am, I was sitting on the floor, alone again. I realized that I had not quite overcome my discomfort. I could have asked someone else, someone with only one roommate, if I could have shared their room for the night instead of being the awkward fifth in a room of four. The women I met were kind and would not have turned me away. But I could not ask. I did not ask.
I woke up in the morning, feeling much older than my almost 40 years. My body hurt. My head ached. My nerves were raw. I was not looking forward to the day. I was looking forward to 3pm when I could check into my room and have a bed to myself. Bleary eyed and tired, I imagined that I would, in fact, retreat to my room.
But again, greetings were extended to me, arms waved me over, seats were saved for me. I was welcomed wholeheartedly into the community. Laughing and hugging and sharing stories soothed my aches and pains and rubbed away the jagged edges of my nerves. When it was time to check into my room and finally had my own bed, the wonderfully soft and comfy bed with its own gravitational pull, I did not want to stay there. I wanted to be out amongst the friends that I had made. I wanted to meet more people.
The last night of the conference, late at night, I sat on a bed. I was not alone. I was surrounded by people, real live people, my friends. We talked and laughed. We took pictures in an attempt to capture the moment. We talked some more. We laughed at things that are flappy. We created lasting memories.
I had finally found my comfort.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Isolation
I am a loner at heart. I like people but I do not make friends easily and that bothers me to no end. I am afraid that I will be hurt, laughed at or ignored so I tend to hang back at the fringes of the group. I want to be friendly, to make a connection but I don't have the words. I don't know what to say or how to say it.
If I am lucky enough to make a connection I will be a loyal friend. I may not always call, social anxiety still affects me. But I will be there for you if you ever need me.
This has always bothered me but I have accepted it as fact. I am not meant to have a lot of friends. I am meant to be a lone reed, if you will.
And it really doesn't bother me. The friends I have I will cherish forever.
But then there are days, days like today, where I would give anything to have that ability to converse easily. To make friends that I can call at any time for any reason. To have that person close by (because I do have those friends who live far, far away) that I can call when times get tough. Someone to say come over, I am here for you.
Things have been rough with Bunny. We are going through a growing phase. She is testing me and I feel like I am failing. I know so many others have faced these problems. But I don't have that access to them. I don't have anyone to call and say how did you handle this.
My friends who have children do not live here. They are not SAHMs. We are not going through the same things at the same time.
And so I flounder. I try and I fail. And then I try some more. I have some success and then more failure. I cry and I laugh and then I cry some more.
I want to have the personal connection. The ability to connect with someone, to commiserate, to share stories. But I am awkward. I am all angles and sharp edges. My pieces do not fit in easily to the communal puzzle. I know that if I could just shave an edge off, I would fit in. But I don't know how. So I sit on the edges, a piece belonging to a different puzzle long lost. If there were a land of misfit toys, I would be there. The elf who wants to be a dentist, a train with square wheels, a cowboy who rides an ostrich.
And I get mad at myself for this. Its my fault. If only I could be less like myself, I could have what I want. I could have that friendship, I could be less alone.
And I know its true. How would you know how lonely and afraid I am? How would you know how much I want a friend? How would you know unless my tounge could speak the words only my fingers can say?
So every day I say, today I will try. Today I will make a connection. And every day I fail, I remain quiet. Every day my fingers type the words I cannot say.
(I worry about hitting publish here. Should I say this? I am lonley but not alone. I have support from my husband and from my family. I just miss having friends around who know what is going on. I will get through this. I will survive. And maybe just maybe I will make a new friend . . . someday.)
If I am lucky enough to make a connection I will be a loyal friend. I may not always call, social anxiety still affects me. But I will be there for you if you ever need me.
This has always bothered me but I have accepted it as fact. I am not meant to have a lot of friends. I am meant to be a lone reed, if you will.
And it really doesn't bother me. The friends I have I will cherish forever.
But then there are days, days like today, where I would give anything to have that ability to converse easily. To make friends that I can call at any time for any reason. To have that person close by (because I do have those friends who live far, far away) that I can call when times get tough. Someone to say come over, I am here for you.
Things have been rough with Bunny. We are going through a growing phase. She is testing me and I feel like I am failing. I know so many others have faced these problems. But I don't have that access to them. I don't have anyone to call and say how did you handle this.
My friends who have children do not live here. They are not SAHMs. We are not going through the same things at the same time.
And so I flounder. I try and I fail. And then I try some more. I have some success and then more failure. I cry and I laugh and then I cry some more.
I want to have the personal connection. The ability to connect with someone, to commiserate, to share stories. But I am awkward. I am all angles and sharp edges. My pieces do not fit in easily to the communal puzzle. I know that if I could just shave an edge off, I would fit in. But I don't know how. So I sit on the edges, a piece belonging to a different puzzle long lost. If there were a land of misfit toys, I would be there. The elf who wants to be a dentist, a train with square wheels, a cowboy who rides an ostrich.
And I get mad at myself for this. Its my fault. If only I could be less like myself, I could have what I want. I could have that friendship, I could be less alone.
And I know its true. How would you know how lonely and afraid I am? How would you know how much I want a friend? How would you know unless my tounge could speak the words only my fingers can say?
So every day I say, today I will try. Today I will make a connection. And every day I fail, I remain quiet. Every day my fingers type the words I cannot say.
(I worry about hitting publish here. Should I say this? I am lonley but not alone. I have support from my husband and from my family. I just miss having friends around who know what is going on. I will get through this. I will survive. And maybe just maybe I will make a new friend . . . someday.)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Good Things
Over the weekend I went to see one of my favorite bands, the Bodeans. I grew up with the band going to their first album release concert in 1986 when I was still in high school. Over the next 22 years I think I've seen them 30 times. I love their music, but its really reminds me of a time in my life. When I hear their songs, I am transported back to college.
I think about my friends, those three gals I saw most of those concerts with. Beth, Michelle and Leslie. We were inseperable. We went everywhere together. Okay maybe we mostly went to the Pub and Monday's together but you get the idea.
But after college it ends. It has to end. Everyone goes their separate ways. You move to different cities. You get married. You have kids. Your life changes. You are not the same person you were back then. You try to stay in touch. And when you get together its fun, you relive the "glory days". But its not really the same. And so you lose touch. You don't want to you just do.
I wish I wasn't that person but I am. I am a good friend but I am not a great friend. I don't keep in touch. I don't call. I may send an e-mail here and there. But its not real contact. So I tend to drift from my friends if they are not in the immediate area.
Looking back, I no longer have contact with any of my high school friends. I live in the same city I went to high school in so I'll occasionally run into someone. But we chat and then move on. College is a bit better. We had lunch last year. We send Christmas cards. But that is it. I'm trying not to let it happen with my law school friends but its hard.
I'm not the kind of friend that I want to be. I'm not the kind of friend I want to have. And I don't like it. As the song says "You don't get much without giving." So this is my gift to my friends. I miss you and I am thinking about you. Wherever you may be.
I think about my friends, those three gals I saw most of those concerts with. Beth, Michelle and Leslie. We were inseperable. We went everywhere together. Okay maybe we mostly went to the Pub and Monday's together but you get the idea.
But after college it ends. It has to end. Everyone goes their separate ways. You move to different cities. You get married. You have kids. Your life changes. You are not the same person you were back then. You try to stay in touch. And when you get together its fun, you relive the "glory days". But its not really the same. And so you lose touch. You don't want to you just do.
I wish I wasn't that person but I am. I am a good friend but I am not a great friend. I don't keep in touch. I don't call. I may send an e-mail here and there. But its not real contact. So I tend to drift from my friends if they are not in the immediate area.
Looking back, I no longer have contact with any of my high school friends. I live in the same city I went to high school in so I'll occasionally run into someone. But we chat and then move on. College is a bit better. We had lunch last year. We send Christmas cards. But that is it. I'm trying not to let it happen with my law school friends but its hard.
I'm not the kind of friend that I want to be. I'm not the kind of friend I want to have. And I don't like it. As the song says "You don't get much without giving." So this is my gift to my friends. I miss you and I am thinking about you. Wherever you may be.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
BFFs
Best Friends Forever. Do you remember those days when you were sure you would be friends with Susie or Jenny forever? Ah junior high.
Well Bunny apparently has reached that stage. Everytime we are around other kids and they leave, she will turn to me and ask "Where did my best friend go?" Its so cute. She doesn't even know their name and never really played with them, but they are her best friend.
I think this stems from the fact that when I know we will be around other kids, I stress the importance of sharing with our friends. I call all little kids our friends so she doesn't freak out and try to take their toys or whatever. I have also told her that she is my best friend. So apparently she has put two and two together and all little kids are now her best friends. She has her music class best friend, her gymnastics best friend and her playdate friend (although Charlie has never been called her best friend because he is a boy).
I guess this also means I have to get her around other kids on a more regular basis so she can make more "best friends".
Well Bunny apparently has reached that stage. Everytime we are around other kids and they leave, she will turn to me and ask "Where did my best friend go?" Its so cute. She doesn't even know their name and never really played with them, but they are her best friend.
I think this stems from the fact that when I know we will be around other kids, I stress the importance of sharing with our friends. I call all little kids our friends so she doesn't freak out and try to take their toys or whatever. I have also told her that she is my best friend. So apparently she has put two and two together and all little kids are now her best friends. She has her music class best friend, her gymnastics best friend and her playdate friend (although Charlie has never been called her best friend because he is a boy).
I guess this also means I have to get her around other kids on a more regular basis so she can make more "best friends".
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
I need a vacation from my vacation
We just returned from our long weekend in Door County, WI. If you have not been to Door County, I highly recommend going, its beautiful (for those not familiar, Door County is the thumb of Wisconsin). However, if you are driving, you may not want to bring a two year old. Bunny asked for an hour "where's Door County?" (I thought they didn't do "are we there yet?" until much older)
When you go on vacation with a two year old, its not really a vacation. Its more like everyday life only in a different location. Not very relaxing at all.
We did the typical vacation stuff and had fun. But I think there is one thing that will be etched in Bunny's mind forever. Our hotel had a pool which meant she could go swimming everyday. Swimming was not limited to once a week lessons. She was in heaven. She has gotten so comfortable with the water that she has no fear. This is a good thing to be encouraged, you don't want a child to be afraid of the water. But it is also a bad thing because it means you have to watch them like a hawk. She would think nothing of jumping into the pool by herself and going under water, except she can't really swim. So that is bad.
Mommy was not allowed to go to the pool. Because Bubs takes her to swim class, I was told "Mommy no swim" so Mommy no swim. The pool was filled with lots of other children and Bunny made instant friends with a few of the older girls (ages 5 to 7). She is fascinated by older kids and wants to do what they do.
The first night she came back to the room in tears. I looked to Bubs for an explanation, apparently the crying began when her little friend left the pool. Bunny looked at me, sobbing, and said "I miss my best friend." I tell you my heart broke for her because she was truly sad. Of course some of her saddness was explained in the next breath when she said "somebody's tired." So true.
Sleeping was another problem we had. We had rented a two bedroom condo and were going to put Bunny's pack and play in the spare room. She hasn't really slept in one but we weren't worried. But you see Bunny can climb out of the pack and play and did so repeatedly. So each night we had to let her lay on the big bed until she fell asleep at which point we could transfer her to the pack and play. Of course she didn't want to stay in the big bed so one of us had to lay with her until she fell asleep. Fun.
So all in all Bunny had fun on vacation. Bubs and I are planning our anniversary vacation without her so we can have fun.
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