Just Write

Just write. Cursor blinking. Fingers typing. Words filling the page. Just write. It's that simple.

I like to complicate things. I like to obsess about, well about anything really. If it is simple, I make it difficult. If it is difficult, I make it impossible.

My brain flips through an imaginary thesaurus. Not this word, it's not right. It has to be perfect. I need to find that one word which will convey the exact emotion, the exact meaning. I need you to understand what I am trying to say in the way I am trying to say it.

It used to be fun. It used to be a joy to let my fingers fly at the speed of my imagination. It used to be everything I wanted. But I got in the way. My brain said no, it's not good enough.

My heart still tells stories. My imagination still runs through fields of daisies. My fingers yearn to fly. They scream at my brain, "shut up, you big meanie. Let us out to play. It will be good. It will be enough. It will be real."

So brain I'm putting you on notice.

Just write. Cursor blinking. Fingers typing. Words filling the page. Just write. It's that simple.

Two Boys

I saw her in the checkout line at Target. Well, I saw him first. Brown skin. Curly hair. Eyes, oh those eyes. The eyes are the give away. The eyes tell me he is Habesha.

She looks at my cart. She sees what I saw. We make eye contact and smile.

"Is he?"

"Yes. Is he?"

"Yes."

The connection is instant. She understands. She knows things about me that no one else can know. The experiences are the same. We are sisters, family.

The boys laugh and smile at eachother. Brothers, friends. Then just as quickly they ignore the other. They do not know. They are too young to understand.

All Lion knows is someone is competing for my attention. He cuts up, trying to draw attention to himself. "Wion, twoooooo!", holding up two fingers. Smiles. Laughter. Dancing in the cart. "Wion, twooooo!"

Two fingers held up in the other cart, "Doooo, dooo!" The same but different.

Two boys. Brown skin. Curly hair. Eyes, oh those eyes. Brothers, friends.

Two mothers. Fair. Hearts open. Understanding. Sisters, family.


This post is part of Just Write capturing the ordinary and extraordinary moments of life.

In Summary, A New Beginning

This past weekend I was at the BlogHer conference in San Diego. It was an amazing experience.

I went for the conference but in reality the main reason was to see my friends. Friends I have made through blogging. Friends that even though we had not yet met in person it felt like we had. And new friends met at the conference(like her, her, her, her, her, her and her).

Some of my best memories were outside of the conference space itself, hanging out with these women. We talked about life. We talked about silly stuff. We talked about our passions and interests. We talked about writing.

When I said I want to freelance and I want to write a book, no one laughed. No one said, good luck with that. They understood. They had those dreams too. We shared ideas. "This is what I am doing." "Did you ever think about this?" "How about . . ."

Being at the conference and in the company of these amazing women, it made me realize that I have a lot to say. It made me realize that I can do this, I can take this further. It filled me with hope. It made me say I am a writer.

Fabulous Times Five

Thanks to Trop 50 for sponsoring my writing about fabulous bloggers. This year Trop50 is granting 50 fabulous wishes. Click here to enter for a chance to win $1,000 to help grant a friend's wish!

I guess I've got five on the brain this week. Today I am sharing five fabulous bloggers with you. There are so many fabulous bloggers out there that it was difficult to narrow it down.

The first is Stacey from Is There Any Mommy Out There. Stacey is a fellow adoptive mom. She is smart and funny with a passel of beautiful kids. Her writing is absolutely beautiful. Plus she's even written a novel that she is sharing with the world for free. I've also been lucky enough to meet Stacey in person so I know that she is as fabulous a person as she is a blogger.



Next is Issa from Issa's Crazy World. I first was introduced to Issa when I met her at Blog Her '09 where she was one of the Community Keynote speakers. Her post was just amazing. But more importantly I found out that Issa was one of the most amazing women I had ever met. She has such a big heart and is always willing to share. In fact she organized an internet birthday party for my 40th birthday and a blog shower for Lion. I am still amazed by that and I am so thankful that blogging has brought her into my life.

Next up is Denise from Eat Play Love. Denise is honest and passionate. Thanks to her I am actually looking forward to Bunny being in all day kindergarten next year so I can pack her lunches in beautiful bento boxes just like Denise. Another reason to love her is her unabashed love for Chris Martin and Coldplay (something I may be guilty of as well).

Another fabulous blogger is Stephanie from the NieNie Dialogs. Stephanie's story is so inspiring. She is recovering from a near fatal plane crash that left her with burns over 80% of her body. That would be enough for anyone to give up. However, Stephanie's blog is filled with joy, hope and love. It is my happy place. I go there whenever I am feeling down and it never fails to lift my spirits.

Finally there is Stefanie from Baby on Bored. Stefanie is funny. She is famous. She has written three wonderful books. But that is not why I chose her. I chose her because the stories she has shared on her blog have quite literally helped to change my life.

I hope that you will check out all of these bloggers if you don't read them already.

Don't forget to enter the 50 Fabulous Wishes contest for a chance to win $1,000 to support a friend's wish. I was selected for this Tropicana Trop50 sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective, which endorses
Blog With Integrity, as I do. I received compensation to use and facilitate my post.

Rust

My fingers sit poised over the keyboard unsure of what to do. They touch keys here and there, as if the S, the R and the L could tell them what to do. They used to fly so freely, tapping out truth and story. My truth. My story.

My mind runs through endless to do lists. I have to do this. I need to remember that. It has not run through a field, picking dandelions for inspiration. My mind has not spun fantastical stories. It has not given birth to wonderful ideas that have me springing out of bed at 2 am to have my fingers express.

There is a rust in my fingers and a haze in my mind.

Once I was a writer. Once I created stories. Once I told truths.

Life and stress have dulled the vivid springs in my imagination. The technicolor jungle has been enveloped in dark shadows. The fairies and sprites do not dance as much, there is no music.

Occasionally, I feel footsteps. I hear the rushing waters and drum beats in the distance. I long to follow them to that place so beautiful and brilliant. I hope to catch a glimpse of words frolicking, joining together creating dazzling stories. I hope to catch them. I hope to set my fingers free once more to dance on the keyboard.

I want to tell stories.

I want to tell truths.

I want to shout once again, I am a writer.

One Year

In the past two days, I've started and abandoned several posts about Hamstack newspapers, about my budding scientist, about coming out of our cocoon and experiencing nature again. I tried to write them but the time was not there to fully flesh them out. Maybe I'll go back, maybe I won't.

Those abandoned posts sent me on a little search through my archives. How many posts had I started and abandoned? What were they about? Why did I stop writing them?

As I was doing this exercise in self-reflection I noticed something, something big. Its my blogiversary. That's right. I started this little experiment one year ago yesterday (to be exact).

When I started I had no idea what I was doing or why I was even blogging. Partly it was to record Bunny's life for our friends and family who did not get to see her on a regular basis. Partly it was because I felt a bit isolated as a new stay at home mom. Partly it was because I have a lot of crazy shit in my head and I needed a venue to get it out.

Whatever the reasons were, this little blog has been one of the best things I've ever done. I've discovered quite a bit about myself. How much I love writing. How much I love connecting to others through what I type out on my keyboard. I've made friends through this blog. I feel like this blog has given me so much more than I've given it.

So thanks for stopping by. Thanks for reading what I've written. Thanks for leaving comments. Thanks for just being the incredible people you are. If it weren't for you, I probably wouldn't have made it this far.

P.S. I know that gifts are not required on a blogiversary but I'm going to ask a big favor . . . could you please press that shiny button on the side bar and vote for me. You will have to register and set up an account but its worth it (to me). I've only got 11 votes so far and I'd love to get a few more for my blogiversary. Thanks again.

Let's Build A Word

Words are magic.

The process of putting letters together to build words and words together to make sentences is very powerful. It allows you to express a need, a desire, an idea or a thought. It allows you to communicate with the outside world.

The right words put togehter the right way have an even greater power. Words can create poetry and art. They can make you laugh or cry. They can make you fall in love. Or they can inspire you to take action.

As a writer I struggle with words every day. I have an idea in my mind that I want to express. I could just use the basic words to describe it.

Bunny jumped in a pile of leaves.

But that really doesn't do anything for you or for me. Kids jump in leaf piles every day in the fall. Why was it special? Why should you care? The right words will set the scene. The right words will make you understand the beauty of the moment. The right words will make you wish you were there with her, laughing, dancing and experiencing pure joy.

Often for me, the right words don't come. I can see them in my mind. They are there just out of reach. If I stretch far enough I can reach one or two. Maybe I can grab enough for a good post, maybe not. I have enough posts that I've started with a good idea only to be abandoned because the words did not come.

Every day I sit at this computer and write. I try to write better. I try to write more. Sometimes its not enough, my words have failed me.

But the true magic in words is in their discovery. The discovery that certain letters and sounds make words and those words mean something to someone. The discovery that even if the words you make don't mean anything, they are still magic.

I will sit on my living room floor and close my eyes just to experience that magic. I hear words like dog followed by bog, fog, log, hog, jog, nog, mog and frog. Cat is followed by bat, hat, sat and mat. A newly built tower will be cristened a rockstack because there is no other word to describe its magnificence.

Words are placed into action to describe play. The dino went here, he did this. Then they are streched into stories describing events that can only take place in her imagination.

It is in those times that I am remineded of the magic and beauty of words. I remember that even the simplest words have power and I am inspired to try harder.