Big Boys Don't Cry

I try to make it fun. I build it up like it's going to be the best thing ever.

"We are going to get a hair cut! Yay! Who cuts your hair?"

"Man!"

"Yes the man. We will go see Mr. Tony and get your hair cut. Then we'll get smoothies."

"Moooofies!"

He's fine until we walk into the building. Then he tries to crawl inside my shirt.

The moment we sit in the chair (we because he sits on my lap), he starts to cry. When the clippers start up, he struggles and screams "No momma! No momma!"

It's not working. Tony looks at me and tells me it's time. We are going to do this like a big boy.

I get up and Tony sits with Lion. He talks to him and jokes with him, constantly reassuring. He is so good with him. It will be ok.

I repeat it over and over in my mind, it will be ok. He has to learn how to get his hair cut. But Lion is beside himself, crying. "Pees momma up. Momma! Momma!"

My heart breaks in a million pieces all over the floor. It cannot be done fast enough. However, I maintain my composure so he cannot see my sadness.

Finally, it's over. Lion is in my arms laughing like nothing happened. He recieves a sucker. Yay!

Tony tells me something I already know, once a month is not enough. We need to do it more often. He needs to get used to the chair and the clippers, two weeks. Two weeks! I'm not sure if the crazy glue holding my heart together will be set by then.

Ready or Not

"Hey momma I wanna use the potty!"

Yep that's right. The Lion cub has decided it's time to potty train.

I. Am. So. Not. Ready. For. This.

Two

Two years ago today in a land 7900 miles away, a little Lion cub was born.

This Lion cub endured unimaginable heartbreak and loss which would have broken even the strongest person. But he was not broken. He is strong. He is resilient. He is a survivor. We, who are lucky enough to be a part of his life, are touched and made stronger by his spirit, his enthusiasm and his love.



Today at two, he is the epitome of boy. He jumps. He runs. He throws his body around with reckless abandon just because he can. He loves cars and trains. Oh how he loves trains. He worships the ground his sister walks on and often he tries to tackle her to that ground.


Today, I think about how lucky I am to be his mother. He is just so full of life, so full of love. I am truly so blessed to have him place his hand on my face and call me momma. I want to savor this moment forever, to keep him just the way his right now. But I also cannot wait to meet the boy and man he is to become. I cannot wait for him to finally learn more words so I can hear what is on his mind and in his heart. I cannot wait to be present for all of his discoveries, all of his firsts.


Today I also remember. I remember the birthdays I missed. I remember a man, quiet and proud. I remember a man whose heart was broken with loss. I remember a man who loved so deeply. I remember a man who trusted us to raise his son. I love that man with all of my heart. I want thank him and let him know that Lion is a fine and wonderful little boy. I will make sure that he always remembers you.



I also remember a woman and a boy I never met. A woman and a little boy who didn't get the chance to be here today. I carry them with me in my heart and know that they are looking down on Lion today. To the woman, I say thank you. I say I love you. I say hug the little boy you have with you and know that I will do the same to the little boy I have with me. To the little boy, I say I would have loved the chance to know you, to be your mom. I will make sure that Lion always remembers the both of you.

My Lion, your Lion is two today.