Friday, March 2, 2012

Unknown

It started innocently. I was sitting in a meeting in a church basement, listening, learning and growing. The metal folding chair was uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat, trying to find a comfortable position. Eventually my right leg fell asleep.

I thought nothing of it. Things like this happen all the time. On my way to the car, I stomped my foot, hopping up and down trying to regain feeling. It didn't come. My leg felt heavy and sluggish.

At home, the sensation spread to my right arm and eventually the right side of my face. This was not normal. I was scared.

A trip to the ER in the middle of the night, allayed some of my fears. No stroke. No lesions. Nothing serious.

My primary care doctor thought it might be a pinched nerve. A referral to a neurologist led to multiple blood tests. I had MRIs of my neck and brain and and MRA of my neck. All of these tests revealed nothing.

Nothing. We don't know what is wrong.

I was still having symptoms. Numbness, pain, headaches, neck aches. The pain was real, I felt it. I continued feeling it for months. Months with no answers.

A referral to a rheumatologist revealed nothing. A painful nerve conduction test, nothing.

Nothing. No answers.

I began to question myself. If the doctors can't find anything, is there something really wrong? Is this real? Am I imagining it?

The seeds of my doubt had been planted earlier in life. Physical symptoms were discounted by doctors. I was told it was stress, depression. I was given anti-depressants with no follow up.

I didn't question. I thought doctors knew best. I was crazy. It was in my head.

But it was not. There was a real problem. There was a solution, a treatment. If it was true then, I have to believe it is true now. I cannot live in the unknown.

5 comments:

Issas Crazy World said...

You know yourself and you know your body. Listen to it. Make them keep looking till they find something. You're not crazy friend. This I know.

Galit Breen said...

So very important to listen to your body.

(Sending answering thoughts your way.)

anymommy said...

I agree whole-heartedly. Keep trying. Keep insisting. Keep researching. Pain comes from somewhere.

the mommy psychologist said...

If you think there's a problem, there's a problem. No one knows you better than you.

Nancy said...

Trust your instincts. I had similar issues (different symptoms) with being told for years that it was "all in my head." Then I was misdiagnosed with epilepsy and incorrectly medicated for five years. It finally took a change in docs and a simple tilt-table test to get the answer. My pacemaker's been in for more than three months now. I haven't had an episode since and, according to the data, the pacer's re-synched my heart rhythm 71 times in the past three months. As scary as it was, it's good to have answers and I'm glad I fought for them.