Next To My Heart

The first time I saw those mother's necklaces with the child's names stamped on various sized discs, I couldn't wait to get one. I had one all picked out for mother's day. For some unknown reason I waited to order it. (It's a good thing too considering we kept Lion's birth name instead of our original choice).

On the plane to Ethiopia, I found out why I had hesitated. I met a woman who had adopted kids from Ethiopia and was returning to do some mission work. She had the most beautiful necklace, an African pendant with a heart where Ethiopia was. Even though I had yet to experience Ethiopia and the effect it would have on me, I knew I needed one. I wanted to show my son and others that a piece of my heart would always be in Ethiopia. Upon our return, I immediately bought one and have not taken it off since.

Bunny would often look at the necklace and ask if there was a China one. "You love China too momma, right?" she would ask. "Yes darling. I love China because you were born there. China is in my heart too." "Then why don't you have a China necklace, momma?" I had no good answer. I needed to get one.

My necklace arrived on Monday and now I can carry the birth countries of my children next to my heart always.



My children did not grow in my body, they grew in my heart. And now thanks to the lovely Tracy at JunkPosse I can show the world.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Today is the Chinese New Year, the first day of the Year of the Ox.

Happy New Year!

I Love You Happily Ever After

We entered the Office of Civil Affairs in Nanchang, Jiangxi, China on October 30, 2006. Two long years of waiting were over and we were going to finally be a family.

I had some idea what to expect when I walked through the door. I had spoken with a few families who had done this and I had seen a video of the process. What I thought was going to happen is that our group would be in a conference room. They would bring in the babies and call each family forward to be united with their child.

That is what I thought would happen. But in reality I can best describe it as crying and chaos, chaos and crying. Babies were crying. Parents were crying.

We walked into a large room and there were several groups of families waiting for their children. Nannies and babies sat on one side of the room. It seemed like no one was running the show.

I looked all over for Bunny. I had only seen a few pictures but I was sure I would recognize her. And I did. She was sitting on a nanny's lap staring out into a sea of unfamiliar faces. While some of the babies were crying, Bunny was not. She seemed nervous but calm.

I wanted to run to her, to grab her in my arms and never let go. But I couldn't. I had to wait my turn. Our guide located the orphanage director and they had to match the babies to the parents. Several other families in our group got their babies but we were still waiting.

Finally they called our name. Bubs manned the video camera and we handed our new camera to someone we didn't know. I walked up to the director and finally was able to hold Bunny in my arms. I just stared at her. She was so tiny and perfect.

She was wearing a bright yellow shirt and yellow pants with electric blue split pants. Most of the other babies from the orphanage were wearing the same thing. She was holding a stuffed bear that we had sent to her in a care package. It was the only familiar thing she had at that moment.

She was 9 1/2 months old. She had spent about six months living with a foster family. She went back to the orphanage when she was matched with us. She was leaving the only familiar home she had to go with these strangers. They didn't look like anyone she had seen before. They didn't sound like anything she was used to. She could not have understood what was happening to her but she really didn't cry.

Being first time parents we had no idea what to do. We had brought bottles from the US and we were given formula and rice cereal when we arrived in China. But of course we didn't bring any of this with us. We only brought a bowl of Cheerios. It wasn't enough. She had left the orphanage early in the morning and traveled for 3 hours on a bus. She was tired and hungry and her new parents didn't have any food for her. Poor girl.

But we were finally together. We were finally a family. We would figure this all out together. We would figure out what it meant to be her parents. She would figure out what it meant to be our daughter. What it meant to be our forever family.

Day One

It was two years ago today but I remember it as if it were yesterday.

Bubs and I checked and double checked everything. We set the timers for the lights. We made sure the cats had enough food and clean litter until my mom could stop by and give them more. The house was okay.

The suitcases were loaded in the car and we were off to the airport. I was so anxious I could hardly control myself. I reached out to grab Bubs' hand to make sure that this was real, that it was not a dream.

We arrived at the airport, the sun was shining. I was sure there would be no delay. We would be on our way in no time.

But when we arrived at the gate, we were told our flight to Chicago was overbooked. They offered to send people to Chicago via a bus arriving at 10:10. Our connecting flight was at 10:48 so we chose not to take the bus. We did not chose wisely.

We boarded the plane and it pulled back from the gate. This was it, we were on our way. And then they told us there was a delay in Chicago so we would have to wait on the tarmac. So we waited, for an hour. There was still a delay in Chicago so they allowed us to go back to the gate and wait for the ok to fly. So we waited at the gate, for another hour.

We had already missed our connecting flight. I was in a panic. We were supposed to be on our way, not sitting in the Milwaukee airport.

We were finally allowed to takeoff and after 45 minutes arrived in Chicago at 12:15. We didn't know what to do. I tried calling to find out what plane we were re-booked on. But I could not get through.

So we, along with countless others who were delayed, got in line and waited to talk to a customer service agent. After waiting for another hour we found out that we had indeed been booked on another flight, the 12:18 flight. Which left 3 minutes after our flight had landed. That didn't quite work. So they rebooked us on another flight for the next day.

I had been waiting for this day for two years. I knew that one more day would not kill me. We would arrive in China. We would meet our daughter. Soon.

Ni hao li shu

Shen Lao Shi said "Ni hao."*

Li shu said "Ni hao lao shi."*

Does she remember? Do the tones evoke memories of the nannies, of her foster family, of her first mother?

Was she too young to remember? Or has she become too American over the past two years that she cannot remember China?

These were the questions running through my mind as we walked into the Cricket Academy. Bunny was there to start Mandarin classes along with nine other two year olds.

Seven of the nine, plus nine more from another class, were girls just like her who were born in China and had come to live with their forever families 7,000 miles away in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

These girls are all so different. Some are shy, some are outgoing. Some are short, some are tall. They are from different regions all across China.

But they are also the same. They share a common bond. They will all know what it is like to grow up half way around the world from where you were born. They will all know what it is like to not look like your parents. They will all know what it is like to live in a culture so different from that of your birth. They will all have questions. They will all face obstacles and difficulties.

But they will be sisters. Their shared experiences will bond them. They can turn to eachother. And that in some small way will help them through.

Bunny is lucky. One of her new sisters is from her same orphanage. They share the same early history. They were cared for by the same caregivers. They had the same experiences. They are sisters.

This is one of the greatest gifts that I can give my daughter. To let her know her sisters. To learn the language and the culture of her birth country. To let her know that she is part of our family but also is a family with her sisters. She is not alone.

*Teacher Shen said "Hello".
Bunny said "Hello teacher."

The First Time I Ever Saw You

Most parents get to know their babies over the course of nine months. They get to feel the baby kick and see her growing inside the mother.

When you are an adoptive parent, you miss out on that. You prepare documents, you put your life on display for a social worker, you get fingerprinted and you place all your hopes and dreams in the hands of people you've never met. And then you wait and wait and wait some more. You wait for your referral. Notification that a child that has been chosen for you.

This is the story of Bunny's referral.

We decided to adopt in the fall of 2004. We researched our options looking at both domestic and international adoption. Finally after a lot of discussions and debates, we decided to adopt from China.

We began the process formally in January 2005. We chose an international agency who would work directly with China and we chose a local agency who would conduct our homestudy. We also had to compile a dossier, which is basically a bunch of documents that accompany your homestudy. The documents had to be notarized. The notarization had to be certified by the Secretary of State. The certification had to be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate. Then everything has to be translated into Chinese.

Because I wasn't that organized, the process took over six months. Our paperwork was sent to China in July and logged into their system on July 23, 2005. Then the waiting began. At the time our paperwork was logged in, the wait was 9 months. But as these things happen, the wait time increased.

Every month I would check the agency's websited to see when the new round of referrals were coming. And every month I would be disappointed. In August 2006, I saw that the referrals were going to be for all families logged in on or before July 22, 2005. We were going to have to wait one more month, we'd missed the cut off by one day.

Or that is what I thought.

On August 28, 2006 I was sitting at my desk working. Then the phone rang. I answered it like anyother call, "This is Renee. How may I help you?" A woman on the other end told me that we had our referral. We were parents to a little girl.

She asked if I wanted to conference Bubs in so he could hear the news but he was in a meeting and I couldn't find him. Then she said she could call back. Call back are you crazy, I needed to know everything right then.

She told me everything she knew about the baby, which frankly wasn't that much. She lived in the YiHuang Social Welfare Institute in Jiangxi China. She went into the orphanage when she was approximately 1 week old and she had spent most of her life living with foster parents. At the time of referral she was 7 months old.



I couldn't believe it, our "Non-Existant Hypothetical Baby" really existed. She was our little Bunny. They e-mailed pictures and I saw this beautiful little girl with a heart shaped face and a rosebud mouth. I just sat there and cried. Then I realized I had to go find Bubs. I ran next door to his office but he was still gone. I finally busted into his meeting (with his boss) and dragged him upstairs to see the pictures. Needless to say he was beside himself.

We had waited for so long for some proof that there was a child at the end of this process. We'd waited for 21 months since officially beginning the process (that is almost as long as it would take to gestate an elephant). And we finally got to see our baby. We got to study, to memorize the lines of her face. We finally had something to show others, "See this picture. This is my daughter."

My daughter. Wow.

We wanted to hop on the next plane to China to bring her home. But again we had to wait for another round of approvals. We got our clearance to travel and set out to meet her in October. We were finally united as a family on October 30, 2006.

A night with . . . Adults?

Every year my mom and I get tickets to a women's lecture series. We use this as a reason to go out to dinner at a nice restaraunt and catch up.

Yesterday was a fairly challenging day for me and Bunny, highlighted by two separate 45 minute periods where she refused to get dressed (once in the morning and once after using the potty). So I was ready for our night out.

We went to this nice restaraunt in Milwaukee's Third Ward. The Third Ward used to be just old warehouses but the have re-done it so now it is filled with shops, bars and restaraunts. I found a few new shops that I wanted to visit on my next day off. The meal was wonderful, punctuated by a creme brule trio. That's right three different kinds of creme brule - vanilla, chocolate and pistacio. I was in heaven.

Last night's lecture was by Lisa Ling. She talked about her experiences as an international journalist and the different stories that she has covered. She showed a few clips too.

It was during the clips that she showed a clip of her story "The Lost Daughters of China." The clip was of all the families going to the Civil Affairs building to meet their daughters for the first time - Gotcha Day. It perfectly caught the chaos and emotion of the day. And it sent me right over the edge. I started bawling openly in the middle of the theater as I remembered the day that we first met Bunny in China. My mom was crying too but she tried to comfort me. I think the lady sitting next to me thought I was crazy but I really didn't care.

I couldn't wait to run home and give Bunny a huge hug, but she would (or should) be asleep when I got home at 9:30. But she wasn't and I was never so happy. I went into her room and got to hug her and read her another story. It was almost as if she was waiting for me. She drifted off to sleep soon after.

It was the perfect night.