Monday, April 20, 2009

I Don't Want To Love You Right Now

It started so simply. A day at the dino museum. We saw dinos and bugs and butterflies. We bought a strawberry candy stick and her lips and face turned pink from eating it.

Maybe it was the sugar, maybe not.

The trip to the gift shop resulted in running and ears falling off. She would not stop running despite repeated requests that she stop. So she was carried out of the store without a little dino trinket.

We made it home with no further incidents. But then naptime came, and so did the tears. The tears came fast and hot. With them came screaming. Non-stop. So I made a visit to her room in an attempt to calm her, to soothe her.

As I lay in her little bed, my body contorted into an awkward position, I assured her that we loved her. "No you don't. You don't love me." Yes we do. We always love you. I showed her the heart I had made for her so she would know that I've loved her always and I would love her forever.

She clutched the heart but repeated her denials. "You don't love me." Why would you say that? "Because I don't want to love you right now."

Her words hit me like an open hand. "I don't want to love you."

I know that I am not the first mother to hear these words from her daughter. I know that this will probably not be the last time I hear these words from Bunny. I understand that her words were motivated by frustration and anger.

But those words hurt.

The day did not improve from there. Sassiness insued. Ears were not reattached. Hand actually struck face (hers to Bub's face). Toys were taken away.

Finally, slowly, the equilibrium was restored. Apologies were issued. Ears were firmly placed back on her head. I love yous were exchanged. Hugs and kisses were given. My heart was soothed.


Christy said...

Oh wow...I'm glad you were able to kiss and make up eventually. I remember being mean to my I wish I could take it all back. I'm such an emotional person anyway - I can't imagine how it will hurt when my little girl begins acting up and talking back. I guess I'll make it through it though - we all will. Hope today was better for you! p.s. Last week I asked my readers to vote for you too!

FranticMommy said...

I know we should be bulletproof when "those words" come flying out, but it does hurt. TERRIBLY. I remind myself that (for the most part) in their world those are just that...words, not weapons. They don't quite yet realize that those words sting those who love them. Hang in there Mommy!

Anonymous said...

It just breaks my heart too when I hear words like that. But know that she's just testing you and didn't really mean it. Hang in there.

ConverseMomma said...

Oh sweetie. She loves you. She loves you so much. The proof is that she knows she can express her little girl frustration safely knowing you will never turn away. You are such a fine, fine mother.
Take heart in that. Toddlers are so hard, sometimes.

anymommy said...

The cycle of children. They can really leave your heart raw, can't they.

EatPlayLove said...

oh. My two year old is notorious for telling me she doesn't love me, she loves daddy. Makes me so sad. At least you had the happy ending.