One

One is a tiny number. Its not a lot, like 10, 100 or 1,000,000. Compared to those numbers it is next to nothing.

One is also a huge number. One year is 365 days. So many things can happen in those 365 days. One is everything.

My son is one. He has lived 365 days on this earth and I have not been present for one of those days. I have missed year one of his life.

I was not there when he took his first breath. I was not there when he smiled for the first time. I was not there when he rolled over, sat up or crawled for the first time. I have missed so many firsts.

I was not there when his mother passed away. I was not there when he was placed into care. I have not been there for him since.

I was not there. I was not holding him, comforting him.

I was here. I was at this computer staring at his picture, pouring over any information I could get. I was here loving him from a distance.

One is huge. One is everything. I cannot get that back.

One is also tiny. One is next to nothing.

I will hold him in my arms. I will comfort him. I will be there when he sees our home for the first time, when he meets his sister. I will be there when he becomes part of our family forever.

I will walk him to school. I will teach him to throw a ball. I will teach him to ride a bike. I will be there for the multitude of firsts that are yet to come.

I will be there, present with him for the rest of his life.

One is huge. One is tiny. One step on a lifetime journey.

So Happy Birthday my son, my little Lion ( I hope you don't mind, your sister blew out your candle and ate your cupcake. Next year its all yours.)