Monday, November 16, 2009

Waiting Is the Hardest Part

I waited 37 years to become a mother.

I waited 10 years to become a mother.

I "officially" waited 13 months to become a mother.

And then I waited 2 months more to meet my child.

The wait was hard. The wait was long. The wait was difficult.

However, in a way, the official wait was also easy. Once we had decided to adopt a child, I knew I was going to become a mother. There was a child waiting for me a the end of this road. I had not had that certainty before.

I had to jump through hoops but my life really didn't change all that much. I went to work, I hung out with friends, Frink and I traveled a bit. We did the same things we would have done even if we weren't adopting. We were waiting to be parents of a non-existent, hypothetical child but we were also living our lives as a married couple with two incomes and no children.

One phone call changed that all. We got the official word that we were parents. There was a child, a little girl, waiting for us on the other side of the world. Once I heard that and saw her picture I was done. My life as I knew it was over and my life as a parent began.

Well it was ready to begin, I just had to wait a little bit longer. Two months. The longest two months of my life. Eight weeks. Sixty days. An eternity. Forever spent staring at that picture, the picture of my child.

Then, finally, I was a parent. The next three years were a blur of activity, laughter, sleepless nights and joy. It was every thing I had imagined and more.

Even though we were happy, we knew our family wasn't complete. There was one more child, out there somewhere, waiting for us. Or maybe he wasn't out there yet and we had to wait for him. We began the process and began to wait once more.

We made the decision to move forward last fall but had some false starts. We started again this year. We could have finished the process earlier but I always held off. I was waiting for something, I didn't know exactly what, but I was waiting.

I was waiting for something to push me forward. I was waiting for a phone call, THE phone call. The phone call that said you are a mother. I finally knew that there is a little boy waiting for me on the other side of the world. And I knew why I had been waiting, I was waiting for him. Once I heard that and saw his picture I was done. My life as a parent of two children began.

Well it was ready to begin, I just had to wait a little bit more. WAIT. I had to finish some paperwork on my end. WAIT. We have to get a court date in Ethiopia and pass court. WAIT. We have to get a visa appointment with the American embassy. WAIT. We have to get travel dates. WAIT. We have to wait an unspecified amount of time for someone half a world away to tell me its time.

The wait this time is excruciating. I have his picture. I love him. I am his mother. However, I have to wait to hold him in my arms. And that is the hardest part.

12 comments:

Mommy, I'm Home said...

I remember that waiting all too well. You are right, it is EXCRUCIATING! Hang in there, though. Enjoy your time as a one-child household. It will soon be a family of 4 before you know it.

Issas Crazy World said...

We're waiting with you friend. :)

Christy said...

Oh wow - do you have travel dates set? I need to catch up on your blog - I was internet-less for a week! I'm so excited for you and can't wait for you!!!

Heather said...

Even though I am not right there, I am waiting with you. Holding your virtual hand. Anytime you need an ear or shoulder...I am there.

AmazingGreis said...

Waiting is hard, but the end result after the waiting will be BLISS. So happy for you, so excited for you and I sit here waiting with you! Can't WAIT to see pictures and to hear more about HIM! XOXO

Michelle said...

I remember that waiting as well. It was so exciting to be able to be part of it with you. But you've done it before and you can do it again, not that it's any easier but at least you have Lion's picture to gaze at and know that he's waiting for you.

Becky said...

I can't wait til you get him too. I can't imagine how hard the waiting is but oh man is it gonna be worth it. how inspiring you are!

Kirsten said...

Ugh. Waiting is so hard. I have to echo was Issa said... we're all waiting too! I can't wait to meet him.

rachel... said...

Wow, I had no idea! I can only imagine how difficult that must be for you, especially now that you know EXACTLY what you're waiting for!

Put me on the Waiting List, too!

~Laura said...

We're all here waiting with you! What a beautifully written post. I can't wait to hear more about your son.

anymommy said...

Oh. I know. I can't wait to see him in your arms.

P.S. Be very glad that you avoided the NaPaBlowhatever thing. Very. glad.

Anonymous said...

I am so excited to be an aunt for the little man too!! He is so beautiful and I am the luckiest aunt in the world!!!