Stupid

Sometimes my own stupidity amazes me.

When they announced that BlogHer was going to be in Chicago I was thrilled. It was only 90 miles from my home. I could drive there, no worries about plane tickets. I could totally afford it and I was totally going.

I made arrangements for childcare. Bubs was going to take off of work. I told everyone I knew I was going. I was invited to and RSVP'd for parties.

But I forgot to actually register for the conference. Bubs reminded me but I never did it. I figured I had some time, it was still two months away.

But when I went to finally register, it was full. There were no tickets left. I was on the waiting list. When I found this out, I broke down in tears. Real tears that are usually reserved for important real life things.

But the thing is this blog and my blog friends have become a part of my real life, a very important part. This blog has given me a voice. It has helped me become more confident. It has helped me try new things, maybe not always successfully but I've tried. The blog has also given me you, my wonderful blog friends. Friends who have been there for me, to help me through the rough spots and to celebrate the good things.

I was finally going to put the two pieces of my life together. My blog life and my real life were going to merge. I was going to put faces to names. I was going to meet you. I was going to learn so much. I was going to take this blog (and my other neglected one) to another level, to make them better, to make them what they could be, what they should be.

I was. But now I am not. I was stupid and I waited and now I am too late.

So I sit here crying real tears as I type this cursing myself for being stupid, cursing myself because this matters too much.