Moments

Right now my life is pretty much chaos. At any given moment I am running around, chasing various children and yelling.

"No, not for Lion."
"Don't pull the cat's tail.
"Don't eat that."
"Don't lick that."
"Don't hit."
"Don't bite."
"We don't bite our sister."
"Bunny we don't hit our brother."
"I don't care if he bit you, stole your toy or whatever."
"Oh my goodness how did you get up there?"
"What is that smell?"

There are times when I am convinced I did not adopt a boy. Rather I adopted a mogwai who somebody got wet and fed after midnight. There is no other explanation for the amount of destruction he can create, there has to be at least 10 of him running in all different directions. And his teeth are really sharp. He is clearly many, many gremlins.

By the end of the day, I am worn down. I feel beaten. I feel every bit of my 40 years. I sit down and I think "man, I've got to do this again tomorrow." It makes me wonder if I can do it again.

But then there are times, small split seconds, when there is no chaos. Lion will come to me and lay his head on my lap while sucking his finger. It's a momentary pause in his path of destruction but it's there. It lifts my spirits.

Bunny will come to me, sit on my lap and say "I love you momma." Those four words give me the strength, the courage to carry on.

Today we were all in my room while I was getting dressed. I was trying to referee making sure that the two small people in my charge did not kill each other or themselves. Then I heard it, a plaintive wail "Momma, I was sitting in that chair." I calmly explained to her that Lion was calm and quiet in the chair so she should let him sit there.

She looked at me defiantly and climbed in the chair with him. I expected screams. I expected hitting. I expected biting. What I did not expect was calm. I did not expect peace. I did not expect my two children, often mortal enemies, to be sitting in a chair together. I certainly did not expect it to last 10 whole minutes, but it did.

I was overwhelmed. I was so happy. When I told Bunny how proud I was that they were getting along, she smiled "he's not so bad right now."

I thought, "You are so right honey. It's not so bad right now."