How can you describe the indescribeable?
How can you capture a life changing event?
How can you put into words, the feelings and emotions of meeting your child for the first time?
How can you? How can you, when you don't even understand the power, the beauty, the love that you felt.
You can not name the feelings you have for the people who have loved your child before you. Love. Gratitude. Those words are not enough to describe what you feel for these people. They have become a part of your family. You will keep them in your prayers. You will repeat their names to your son so that he will know. He will know how truly blessed he is to have had them in his life even for a short time. He is blessed because of them. You are blessed because of them.
You can not put into words how the country of his birth has captured your heart. The beauty and the ugliness tug at you. You have touched the earth. The soul of the country has seeped into your bones, wrapping itself tightly around your heart. A part of you belongs to Ethiopia. You would not have been complete if you had not gone there. You would not have known who you are and what you were meant to do. You ache for the land, for the people of his country. You yearn to go back to help, to be helped. You will tell your son what his country means to you. You will help him understand that he is blessed to have come from such a place, such a people. You are blessed because of Ethiopia.
You can not describe the joy you feel because of your son. Your heart leapt out of your body when you saw the face you had only seen in pictures. His face. The feel of his body in your arms was the most beautiful feeling ever. Even as he cried and pushed you away, you knew that this boy was meant to be yours. You saw glimpses of it in his eyes. You waited patiently, knowing that he would understand. You knew that he would feel it to. The moment he first smiled at you, the moment he touched your face, the moment he fell asleep in your arms, the moment he began to trust you. These moments are what you had longed for. These moments made the months of agony, of waiting, disappear. These moments made you a family. You are blessed because of them.
You can not say exactly how you found something that you thought was lost forever. You found faith. You found belief. You felt the faith in the families you were traveling with. You saw the nannies' belief that they were fulfilling a calling by caring for our children. In all that you saw and all that you experienced, you understood and you believed.
The only thing that you can say is that you are not done with the adoption journey. The moment you saw the children in the Durame care center, something that had been gnawing at you for the entire trip became clear. You are meant to do this again. You are meant to love another child. You are meant to go through this experience again.