Sunday, June 20, 2010

Indescribeable

How can you describe the indescribeable?



How can you capture a life changing event?


How can you put into words, the feelings and emotions of meeting your child for the first time?


How can you? How can you, when you don't even understand the power, the beauty, the love that you felt.



You can not name the feelings you have for the people who have loved your child before you. Love. Gratitude. Those words are not enough to describe what you feel for these people. They have become a part of your family. You will keep them in your prayers. You will repeat their names to your son so that he will know. He will know how truly blessed he is to have had them in his life even for a short time. He is blessed because of them. You are blessed because of them.


You can not put into words how the country of his birth has captured your heart. The beauty and the ugliness tug at you. You have touched the earth. The soul of the country has seeped into your bones, wrapping itself tightly around your heart. A part of you belongs to Ethiopia. You would not have been complete if you had not gone there. You would not have known who you are and what you were meant to do. You ache for the land, for the people of his country. You yearn to go back to help, to be helped. You will tell your son what his country means to you. You will help him understand that he is blessed to have come from such a place, such a people. You are blessed because of Ethiopia.




You can not describe the joy you feel because of your son. Your heart leapt out of your body when you saw the face you had only seen in pictures. His face. The feel of his body in your arms was the most beautiful feeling ever. Even as he cried and pushed you away, you knew that this boy was meant to be yours. You saw glimpses of it in his eyes. You waited patiently, knowing that he would understand. You knew that he would feel it to. The moment he first smiled at you, the moment he touched your face, the moment he fell asleep in your arms, the moment he began to trust you. These moments are what you had longed for. These moments made the months of agony, of waiting, disappear. These moments made you a family. You are blessed because of them.



You can not say exactly how you found something that you thought was lost forever. You found faith. You found belief. You felt the faith in the families you were traveling with. You saw the nannies' belief that they were fulfilling a calling by caring for our children. In all that you saw and all that you experienced, you understood and you believed.

The only thing that you can say is that you are not done with the adoption journey. The moment you saw the children in the Durame care center, something that had been gnawing at you for the entire trip became clear. You are meant to do this again. You are meant to love another child. You are meant to go through this experience again.

26 comments:

AmazingGreis said...

I am so very, very happy for you all!!! Lion is absolutely adorable. So glad he is finally home!!!!

adjunctmom said...

So happy for you. He's such a handsome little guy.

Glad the wait is over and he is home with the family who loves him.

Afraid to ask, almost, but how is Bunny dealing with a Lion in the house?

Listen Up, MoFos! said...

He's perfect. You guys are amazing, having had to wait so long to meet him! Happy, so so happy for you all :)

Kirsten said...

What a gorgeous family you all make. Congrats a million time over.

EatPlayLove said...

Wow! Incredible, what a beautiful moment and way to capture a glimpse into your journey.

Julie said...

I love it Renee! And every comment you wrote hits such a deep cord. There is no describing it - the ache in the soul for this country, these people.....

Love you!

Destinee said...

He's gorgeous. Congratulations to you, your husband, and Bunny.

Destinee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bridget said...

oof. I kinda can't breathe.

he is perfect.
and you are a perfect family!

Lisa said...

Oh wow, Renee, he is beautiful, perfect. I love this post, brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad he is finally home with you. I'm just so happy for you guys.

Allyson said...

I love that, after all the what-ifs and waiting and turmoil involved in bringing Lion home, you are ready to do this again. That is almost as beautiful as Lion. But only almost because he is a doll.

Becky at lifeoutoffocus said...

He is so cute. I loved the way you worded all of this. What a blessing.

Heather said...

I can't wait to hear more about the adventures of Lion and Bunny and to hear about where your heart leads you next. ((hugs))) what you guys are doing is amazing!

Beth said...

We just finished watching some video Jared shot at the care center and you and I were sitting holding our little ones talking and I just felt a sudden wave of missing you all. Thank you for sharing this journey with our family. This post was absolutely beautiful, capturing feeling and thoughts I have yet to express in words. How blessed we are because of Ethiopia. Know you are in thoughts and prayers. Love to you. B

Christy said...

Wow so moving Renee. I'm so happy for you and your whole family. LOVE the new header photo!

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas said...

Congratulations to your entire family! He's amazingly gorgeous!

Issas Crazy World said...

Oh how I love you and this post. I cried through all of it. But the end? It made me smile and laugh out loud. Because I get it. You just know when you aren't done. Am thrilled for you times a million. So glad to see all of these amazing pictures.

Jamie said...

We are so, so happy for your family. He is so beautiful!

Cami said...

Oh Renee...beautiful words. You captured it! It was so wonderful to have experienced it with you. You were meant to be his mama. And we are so happy for you. Anxious to stay in touch...Love,
Cami

maggie, dammit said...

He is BEAUTIFUL.

This, this is beautiful.

You are beautiful. I'm just so thrilled for you all.

kelly said...

I am so happy he is home where he belongs. All the love in the world for you and your beautiful family.

anymommy said...

A beautiful family. And I can squint my eyes and see another little one in those pictures, kissing mommy's cheek. All my love.

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Kari said...

Indescribeably happy for you!!!

Cameron and Megan said...

beautiful

faintstarlite said...

Wow! Sooo exciting! And I just realized you're from Milwaukee too... and we're adopting through foster care so I'd love to connect up!