Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm An Ostrich

Yesterday I had one of those moments of perfect clarity, a moment when you can see yourself for what you truly are. In that moment, I realized that I am an ostrich. A freakin' ostrich.

Last night I was listening to an Arbonne conference call. It was designed to help people build on the momentum of the new product launch at the national training conference and kick their businesses into high gear. I was excited. The new anti-aging and color lines were amazing. I want to share them. I want to be successful at this business.

So I wrote out a list of goals. Some were simple, achievable goals that I knew I could do. Others were dramatic, ambitious goals that I wasn't sure about but in the excitement of that call, I believed that I could do it. I was going to do it. I was going to move beyond my comfort zone. I was going to achieve my goals.

Notice I wrote I WAS going to do this, not I AM going to do this. Immediately after I set my pen down, I knew I wasn't going to do these things. I couldn't do them. Normally that would be it, another unfinished list. Last night was different. I started thinking about why I do this, why I am who I am.

I am stuck in a cycle of procrastination. I should do something now but I am going to put it off until later. (Like right now, I should be cleaning and getting ready for the Seder we are hosting tomorrow, instead of writing a blog post and listening to Kings Go Forth) Its the way I am. Its the way I've always been. I know this. Normally the procrastination isn't too bad. I get the things done that need to get done, eventually.

Then there are the things I should do but I don't do at all. Its not that I don't want to do them, I'm just scared or nervous. So I stick my head in the sand and pretend they don't exist. If I don't see them, if I ignore them, then they are not a problem. Until they are a problem, until that cheetah bites me on the ass and takes me down.

I can't tell you how many wonderful opportunities I have let pass me by standing with my head in the sand. I could have done something. I could have taken action. Instead, I did nothing.

Stupid ostrich.

They say realizing the problem is half the battle. Once you know the problem, you can change your behaviors. Instead of being an ostrich, I could be the cheetah. I could be a bear, or a giraffe or an elephant.

Or I could be the kind of ostrich my daughter loves. The kind of ostrich she draws constantly. The ostrich that climbs mountains. The ostrich that has a boat, that rides on sea monsters. The ostrich that jumps high into the sky, so high she can touch the stars.

I can be that kind of ostrich. I can be brave and I can be awesome.


michelle said...

Acknowledgement is the first step and now it should be easier for you to move forward. Just don't set too big of goals to start with and you can make it happen....Just look what you did by going to the bloggers conference. I have lots of faith in you.

Kelly L said...

I know exactly what you mean! I have sand in my ears too..

Love to you

Scarlett said...

You can definitely be brave and awesome.

You get to be whatever you want.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I can relate to this... So many missed opportunities due to fear. I'm trying to fix that too. I want to be an ostrich who climbs mountains.