The Gift That Just Keeps on Giving

Warning this post contains references to bodily functions, both mine and those of a certain feline whose exploits have been referenced here before. If you would rather not read about them, I understand. Please come back tomorrow when I will regale you with stories about the cutest, smartest toddler ever. I promise.

I suffer from IBS. Most of the time I don't have any issues. However, the condition tends to be aggrivated by hormones so there is one day every month on which it hits.

Let me tell you this is a lovely day to be me. The cramps, the moodiness, the cramps, the "issues", the cramps. So fun. Today is one of those days. So if you see me in person today I am likely to bite your head off. I apologize.

When I awoke to cries of "Mommy I have to go potty" I knew that today was the day. I could feel the cramps kicking in full force. I was not happy. I wanted to stay tucked into my warm bed with the covers over my head and wait until the bad stuff had passed. But you can't ignore the cries so I got out of bed. Luckily it was a false alarm (thanks in part to an earlier call at 4:30). I asked if she wanted to come in my bed and she said she'd rather stay in hers.

Great, I have a few more minutes in bed to curl in the fetal position and try to rock away the pain. As I was reaching for the bottle of Advil, I hear "what you doin' momma? Can I have some?" Um, no this huge bottle is just for mommy and when you get older you'll understand why.

So no rest for me. I got up and stumbled downstairs where I handed off Bunny to Bubs. I told him I needed to take care of a few things and he should occupy her. As I headed in to the bathroom, I heard her singing the Wonder Pets theme song and knew she wouldn't bother me. Privacy, glorious privacy.

Or so I thought. The door was soon opened by Tabasco. At first I thought he just wanted some attention and for me to turn the water in the sink on. As I reached down to pet him I saw that he was in the midst of a butt waggle. For those of you who don't know, the butt waggle is the tell tale sign that a cat is about to spray. And Sir Pees-a-Lot had aimed the spray directly at me on my throne. (Now I love this cat unconditionally despite the peeing and the puking but if you pee on me then we have a problem.)

What happened next was like a movie where the hero sees someone about to shoot and it goes all slo-motion. He screams "Noooooo" and jumps in front of the gun to take the bullet for the victim.

I couldn't move. Really, I couldn't move because I wasn't finished. I screamed "Nooooo" and did the heroic thing. I stuck my hand down there in an attempt to block it. I pushed his butt down and redirected the spray to the tile floor instead of my leg. Crisis averted.

When he was finished there was a rather large puddle of pee right next to the toilet just waiting for me to go all Anti-Icky Poo on it. All before 7:30 a.m.

This Is It ... Well Almost

Today's the day we finally meet Bunny. Two years of waiting and anticipating is finally going to pay off.

But first things first, there is business to take care of. Our camera, which we brought to record the moment we first meet Bunny, is broken. It doesn't work. It is D-E-A-D! How can we do this without a camera?

The camera broke the night before. We thought we would walk to Wal-Mart to buy a new one. That is what we would do at home. You have a problem, you seek a solution to the problem. You have a broken camera, you buy a new one.

So we walked the 5 blocks from our hotel to Wal-Mart. Navigating a strange city. Trying to survive the walk, trying to survive the traffic. There are no traffic laws, it appears to be every vehicle, bicycle, motorcycle or cart for themselves. The only rule for pedestrians is don't get in the way. So we stepped off the curb, started to run and prayed that we would make it to the otherside. We did.

We made it to Wal-Mart without any accidents and managed to find the electronics department. It looked fairly similar to one we'd see at home. I recognized the camera brands. I saw one that I wanted. I managed to communicate with the sales clerk enough to let him know we wanted to buy it. Bubs handed over the credit card and . . . it didn't work.

What! I can't buy the camera. I can't record the memory of meeting my daughter for the first time. I tried hard not to lose it. I mean what's the point.

By that time, a crowd had gathered around us. We were quite the attraction. They do not get many foreigners in this city. But alas, none of them spoke English so we could not find out what had happened and we had to leave the store without a camera.

But this story does have a happy ending. Our guide, Grace, took Bubs to an eletronics store where he was able to successfully purchase a camera. An employee of the store came to our hotel to make sure the camera worked with our computer (that would never happen here). And two short hours before meeting Bunny we were the proud owners of a functional camera.

Stay tuned tonight where I promise I will finally tell the story of how we met Bunny for the first time (I tried to tell her the story today but she didn't really seem to care. She wanted to watch Ni Hao Kai Lan instead. "Stop talking momma. Kai Lan momma." Well alright then.)

Cat Scratch Fever

We have two cats in our house. His and hers cats if you will.

Bubs adopted Detroit before he met me. And if you must know Detroit got her name from some stupid bet thingy with his ex-girlfriend, and yes it is a stupid name.

I adopted Tabasco when I was in law school, after I had met Bubs. And since we are telling how our cats got their names, Tabasco was named after a race horse, Tabasco Cat (because I'm all original and stuff).

Not long after I adopted Tabasco, Bubs graduated and moved back home for a while. Since his mom was allergic to cats, I took guardianship of Detroit. So she has been my cat for about 12 years now. But she is still Bubs' cat and always will be.

My cat is awesome. He's cute. He's cuddly. He is basically a dog in cat's clothing, he comes to the door when you get home. He'll follow you around, just waiting to get petted. Yes he's a bit dumb, a condition which I know to be genetic because my friends have his siblings and they are dumb too (hello Oliver!). But he's a cute dumb.




Now if you've read this blog in the past, you are probably saying to yourself "Isn't he the cat that pees on your stuff?" Yes, yes he is. But the traits I've listed above make the peeing tolerable because he's just so darn cute.

Now Bubs' cat is the devil. Well not the actual devil but pretty darn close. She's mean. She's nasty. She doesn't like people. She bites. But she is a beautiful cat.



Every so often she will come to you and let (demand that) you pet her. Yesterday was one of those days. I apparently forgot that she was evil so I decided to brush her. Everything was going along swimmingly, she was purring and seemed to be enjoying herself. But then I caught some matted fur and it was game over. She reached over and bit my hand. Hard. So hard it drew blood.



See I told you she was evil.

If its not about me . . .

then I don't want any part of it.

This is a 2 yr olds motto. Yesterday we had our regularly scheduled dinner with my parents. Bunny gets to hang out with them, play with toys and generally revel in all the attention.

However, my cousin recently had a new baby so my parents suggested after dinner we go to my aunt's house. All my cousins would be there, we could see the new baby and they could see Bunny (they haven't seen her since Christmas).

Well Bunny was suitably underwhelmed when she saw the baby. She just muttered "Hi River" and walked away. She played outside for a while then looked for toys at my aunt's house (which there weren't many). She started whining and we had to leave after being there for 15 minutes to avoid a full blown tantrum (we didn't want Bunny to set a bad example for River).

My cousin told me thats exactly how their 13 year old acted when he first saw the new baby. So apparently they don't grow out of it. Nice.

If Bunny Doesn't Sleep

Then nobody sleeps.

Ah the joys of being a parent, your sleep schedules are entirely dictated by another human being. Since Bunny's adoption she has been a great sleeper, usually sleeping from 8:30 to 6 or 7, plus a 2 hour nap. Fantastic.

But lately no matter what we do before bedtime she has been talking in her crib until 10 pm and still waking up at 6 or 7. Now the two hours between when she goes down and when I go to bed (yes I go to bed at 10, momma needs her sleep) are spent listening to her talk, complain and even cry.

Last night it went something like this:
8:45 pm - Crying that her bunny was not in her crib. The bunny was placed in her arms and she laid down again. Talking commenced.

9:15 pm - The book she has insisted on sleeping with for the past week was deemed to be too scary and had to be removed. Once the offending book was removed, she laid back down and again started talking.

9:50 pm - The sippy cup we placed in her crib to avoid repeated requests for water was also deemed to scary as it might spill and had to be removed. Once the sippy was removed, she laid back down and actually fell asleep.

This morning she woke up at 7 am very tired. Mom unfortunately woke up at 5:45 very tired. So this should be a fun day.

Things overheard in my house over the weekend

"No pants, pants too scary!"

Now I've heard of sassy pants, liar liar pants on fire, and even kitty pants (Tabasco's nickname - he's a tuxedo cat), but I have never heard of scary pants. In fact I am pretty sure that pants would never intentionally scare anyone.

So what was the problem? Who knows? Bunny had a little accident which necessitated new pants. So we got new pants out and the screaming commenced. Did she not like the pants we had picked out? Probably. Did she not want to wear pants at all? Likely.

This problem has cropped up on more than one occasion, even when she gets to pick out the pants herself. It seems that she preferrs to run around in just a diaper and shirt. She has even refused to take a nap wearing pants. She will just start yelling "Pants off, pants off" until you remove the offending article of clothing No problem when we are in the house but big problem if we are trying to leave. You see we live in Wisconsin and even though it is spring, it is still way to cold to go without pants. Plus people will look at you funny if your toddler is just wearing a diaper.

Since we were headed to my parents house for dinner, we needed to get some sort of pant or other leg covering on her. Luckily she agreed to wear a dress and tights, so the crisis was averted for a day. But who knows what it will be like today.

Taking to my bed

Today as most days Bunny was upset after daddy went to work. She cried, she stomped her feet and then she did something very unexpected. She said she wanted to take a nap. Bunny never says that.

So she laid on the couch with her favorite silky blanket and I covered her up with another blanket. She then laid there watching Word World, occasionally lamenting how much she missed her daddy.