A Rose By Any Other Name

Frink and I have always been in sync when it comes to naming our children. From our earliest days of marriage we would discuss how many children we would have and what there names would be. We didn't argue about it, we just liked the same names.

When our imagined children didn't come and we turned to adoption, the conversation changed. We talked about giving the children family names as another way to link them to our family and its past. I knew that our first daughter would be named after my paternal grandmother. I loved the name, it was old fashioned and unique. I decided on the French rather than the English spelling to make it even better. Once we decided on her name, a nickname flowed from it. It was another beautiful name with meaning, it meant God's Gift in Hebrew. We knew that was it. That was the name our daughter would have.

When we were adopting Bunny, we didn't question our decision to rename her. We knew she had a Chinese name, given to her by the orphanage. We knew we would keep some form of it as her middle name. But she was going to be Bunny, no questions asked. When we found out her Chinese name, which meant Bird's Nest, it went so perfectly with the name we had chosen. We were happy. And when we met her it all made sense. Her name fit her, she was God's Gift to us. She was the reason we were a family.

With Lion, we were even more certain of his name. From the beginning of the process we knew he was going to be named after Frink's paternal grandfather. We loved the name. We loved the idea that there would be another person who had shared his name. The name meant God Heard in Hebrew. It was perfect, the referral of our son would mean that God had heard our prayers.

We told everyone we met that we were adopting a son and what his name would be. Everyone said, "I love that name". We were convinced that this was they way it was going to be. Even after we received our referral, we did not question our decision. He was S. There was no question.

But then we got to Ethiopia and everything changed. We met our son. We met the people who had cared for our son. We met the people who loved our son. We met the man who gave our son life and helped name him.

Our son had had his name for 16 months. It meant something to so many people. Staff members would ask the group who R's parents were. They would tell us what a special boy he was. They repeated his name over and over again. R. R. R. The name floated from their tongues as if it was poetry. R. R. R.

I knew immediately that we could not change his name. It was a part of him. He was R. But I was afraid of broaching the subject with Frink. What would he think? We were naming him after his grandfather, would he be upset? So I said nothing. Then after meeting with Lion's birth father, Frink turned to me and said "We can't change his name. He is R."

I was so happy to hear that, Lion was not S, he was R. He was always meant to be R. His name means He Helped in Amharic. Our Lion, our R, helped us expand our family and our love. It was perfect.

Say My Name, Say My Name

There was a moment this morning, just a 10 minute window, in which Bunny and I said the other's name 1,000 times. Maybe it was more, maybe it was less but the names were said a whole lot.

Now any parent can relate to this. Your child will call out for you for a multitude of reasons. Mommy (where are you) Mommy (I'm hungry / thirsty), Mommy (I want something), Mommy (I can't find my toy/shoes/book/anything even though it is right in front of me or right were I put it), Mommy (I need you), Mommy (I need help), Mommy (I want to annoy you). The best is Mommy (I love you).

Because you are their parent, your child expects you to drop whatever you are doing and answer their call. The world revolves around them. If you do not answer right away Mommy becomes MOMMY, becomes MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY, becomes MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMYYYY.

Now there is the flipside to this. As a parent you utter your child's name repeatedly through out the day. Bunny (where are you), Bunny (come eat/drink) Bunny (you need to do something), Bunny (come pick up your toy/shoes/book/anything I'm getting sick of stepping on them), Bunny (don't do that), Bunny (stop what you are doing immediately), Bunny (time for a time out), Bunny (listen to me, for the 100th time, listen to me). And yes the occasional Bunny (I love you).

And because you are their parent, your child ignores your call. The world revolves around them and frankly they have better things to do than listen to you. If they do not listen right away Bunny becomes BUNNY, becomes BUNNY, BUNNY, BUNNY, becomes BUNNY MIDDLE NAME, becomes BUNNY MIDDLE NAME LAST NAME.

Its no wonder children learn their names so early.