Because I Am A Total Dork

I am excited to announce that I will be attending Lobby Con at this year's BlogHer conference.

As you may well remember I forgot to register for the conference in Chicago. I decided to go anyway just to meet face to face all the cool people I've met on-line. I was still looking (praying) for tickets to fall into my lap but I was happy just to go.

And then the wonderful people at BlogHer found out about all the people like me who were planning on lurking in the hallways trying to get a taste of the conference. So they created Lobby Con. We get access to the expo floor (and swag, gotta love the swag), they will be streaming the main sessions for us in a bar (yummy) and we also get access to the parties (hooray for the parties!). Really its the next best thing to having a ticket.

I am so looking forward to meeting her, her, her, her and her. Aw heck, I'm looking forward to meeting everyone.

No, Seriously, I Was Just Walking

A while back I wrote a guest post for IMommy in which I stated to the world that I was not a funny person, however I do possess a rare gift for physical comedy. Unfortunately for me the physical aspect of physical comedy involves me walking in to something and injuring myself. Its less Jim Carrey and more Chevy Chase playing Gerald Ford tripping down the stairs of an airplane (or maybe just Gerald Ford falling). And yes I am sure that there are many of you saying What? Who?

I am a clumsy person. Its not my fault, its genetic. I'm not casting blame but the person who I inherited it from knows who they are, and thank you so much.

I have good balance so I rarely fall on my arse (although I have in the past and it is hilarious). My clumsiness, unfortunately, involves something much more basic - the inabilty to walk with out injuring myself.

I'm sure you are saying to yourself "Renee, how can you injure yourself walking if you don't fall down?" Trust me its easy. Walking often involves passing stationary objects like tables, chairs, desks and doors. Most people can avoid those objects while they are walking. Not me. These seemingly inanimate objects magically spring to life when I walk by jumping out at the last second causing me to run into them.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had bruises on my shin (thank you, coffee table), hips (thanks tables, desks and door knobs) and arms (shelves, cabinets thanks so much). I have even managed to break bones while walking. Not once but twice. Yes, I've broken two toes while walking.

The first time I tripped over a raised portion of the sidewalk while wearing flip flops. My big toe slammed right into the offending piece of concrete causing it to jam and the joint attaching the toe to the foot to fracture. I figured I broke it but it hurt so bad for so long that I actually went to the doctor and had x-rays. All I got was confirmation that it was broken and the there's nothing we can do for you speech. I'm sure the doctor was thinking "Congratulations, you're an idiot!"

The second time was yesterday and was just as embarrassing. I had taken Bunny to an open gym. I spent the better part of an hour and a half making sure that she didn't injure herself. And the second we decided to leave, I injured myself. Brilliant!

We were heading toward the exit and I was walking past the balance beam. Apparently I didn't realize how close I was to the beam and how far out the beam foot sticks out because I walked right into it. Again, brilliant! I hit it hard with the tops of my toes.

I knew right away it was broken. I started seeing stars and kind of screamed. Lucky for me I didn't let loose with a stream of obscenities because Bunny was right next to me saying "What's wrong momma?" "Nothing sweetie, momma broke her toe. Like an idiot."

I managed to put my shoe on without passing out from the pain and drive us home. I thank my stars that it was the left foot or I don't think I could have driven the car. It hurt that bad. When we got home and I removed my shoes and socks I was treated to a wonderful site, a swollen purplish toe. The purple almost exactly matched the reminants of my last pedicure so I at least was color coordinated.

So now begins the long and slow recovery process where I have to watch that I don't stub my toe again. Which as you can see is pretty difficult for me not to do.

The (Play)Dating Game

As I've said before, I'm kind of a dork when it comes to making friends. I'm nervous. I get tounge tied and say stupid things, so I don't really talk. Your basic social anxiety.

I'm fine once I get to know you or if we have mutual friends in common. But its that initial meeting that just kills me.

In the past I've met friends on-line. I formed a cooking club and a playgroup with people I hadn't met before. But because we had already "talked", I was fine.

But if you meet me on the playground, you may think I'm a little strange. And of course I am but in a good way.

Which brings us to yesterday. Bunny and I were at the park playing in the sand having a grand old time. I saw a mom I had met on a couple of occasions. Her son C is Bunny's age, which meant that they were playing near but totally ignoring eachother. K and I got to talking and were having a nice time.

But then it was time to go home and eat lunch. I had Bunny say good bye to K and C, which she actually did. I said we'll see you at the park again, blah blah blah. I figured that was that.

But K whips out her business card and gives me her phone number and e-mail. She said they are always looking for new things to do so we should get together.

Inside I was totally freaking out "Oh my goodness. She likes me. She wants to hang out. That's totally cool." But I tried to play it as cool as is possible for me, "Oh yeah, we are always looking for new kids to play with. I'll call you and set something up." All the time praying she wouldn't figure out that I am a total dork.

So now what, internet friends? What do I do? How long do I wait to call to set something up? And I should probably e-mail so I don't say something stupid, right?

See I told you I'm a dork.

Cool Kids

There was always a lunch table or other spot where the cool kids gathered. They were easy to spot in grade school. And they ruled the high school hallways. If you were on the fringes or in the shadows like I was, they seemed so inapproachable. But there was always a yearning to be a part of the group, to be accepted.

That was why I was so greatful for high school to end. Cliques were much harder to identify in college, especially if there were 80,000 undergrads at your school. It was much easier to be accepted for who you were, not who you knew.

I thought my days of running into cliques were in the distant past. Until I became a stay at home mom. Now I would love to have a group of mom friends who I can get together with. We could throw the kids in the backyard or in the playroom and chat while they play. It would be great.

Except now I feel like I'm back in high school again. I go to events with other mothers and kids. The kids run around like the crazy kids they are. The moms talk to the moms they know. They don't go out of their way to talk to the newcommers. OMG its a clique!

Just like in high school I freeze when confronted with this possibility. I am shy and reserved by nature but I get tounge tied when faced with a group of two or more people. I don't know what to say, I stammer and stutter, generally I act like a huge dork. So I don't make any new friends and I cry a little bit inside just like in high school.

Now you are probably thinking just get over yourself Renee. You won't burst into flames if you talk to someone. No one will bite your head off if you approach them. Logically I know this but the group setting makes me an ackward gangly teenager again.

I joined a moms group to make friends. I've gone to some of the events with kids but I haven't gone to any of the mom's only stuff. Why? Because the meetings are on Tuesdays and that's when I have yoga. Oh that's great, rather than going to an event and meeting moms you could become friends with, you stand in a room were the point is not to talk to others. Again I know its not logical.

And you know what's even better, I had something else going on last night and missed the meeting on . . . Wait for it . . . Friendship! Sigh!

Author's note I am adding this post script to say that the above post was not a desperate cry for friends. I have friends, like 5 of them, so there. One of them even called me today after reading this post . . .(insert evil laugh here "My plan worked!") The author's intention was to show that even at my advanced age I am still just the same dork, lameass and goober I was in high school.