Thursday, July 24, 2008

Our Journey Has Begun

I think I've started this blog post about 10 times and erased everything I've written. My thoughts and emotions are just a jumble. I can't exactly put a finger on what exactly I'm going through.

At one moment I'm excited beyond words. I'm at the starting line of a long-ass marathon and I can't wait to get to the end. I'm making plans. I'm envisioning the future. I want to run as fast as possible to get to the end.

The next moment I'm totally terrified, wondering what I have gotten myself into. How can I do this? Do I have the strength?

Its all mixed up because both of these emotions are proper. I should be feeling exactly what I am feeling right now. I, we, my family has made the momentous, life changing decision to bring another member into our family. We have offically begun our journey to Turtle.

I've nicknamed him Turtle because he will take his own sweet time to get to us. But now that time actually has a frame work, the process is beginning and it will have an end. And at that end is a baby, a little boy who will join our family forever.

I tear up just thinking about him and what he will look like, what it will feel like to meet him, to hold him. Even though he hasn't been born, and probably won't be for a while, I love him with all of my heart. I've never been pregnant but I suppose that this is what an expectant mother feels like when the find out they are pregnant.

Turtle will be from Ethiopia. We hope that he will join our family sometime in late 2009 or early 2010. Sometime within the next 18 months I will be holding my son. I can't belive that I just typed that but it is true.

But while I am excited, I am also scared. Our journey to Bunny went so smoothly. We were lucky. I wonder how this journey will go.

We are a trans-racial family. Both of our children will experience and have experienced things that we cannot imagine. I want to have the strength and the support in place for them, for our family as we face these challenges.

Bunny has an amazing support group of adopted children from China. She will be starting language classes in the fall with other girls just like her. But what about Turtle? What will he have? I have begun to reach out to find families in our area with children from Ethiopia. I have even found a family near by with children from both Ethiopia and China. I need to find support for him and for us. We need to know that he is not alone, that he will know other boys and girls who have been through the same experiences as he has.

I ache for his birth mother and family who will make the agonizing decision to place him for adoption. Just as I ache for Bunny's mother. I want to meet these women. To give them a hug and let them know that I will love their children forever. But also let them know that I will help their children rembember them in some way.

We have taken the first, small step on our journey to Turtle. I cannot wait to meet you, my son.

12 comments:

Kristin said...

A note to Turtle - you are going to be the luckiest little boy with a mama like this.
wow. your profound love for your children is amazing. I am so glad I found your blog because I am now privileged to witness it.

iMommy said...

Congratulations! This is wonderful news, and you're right -- the feelings that you have are entirely appropriate. This is my second pregnancy, and I can tell you that I swing from those emotions on a daily, if not hourly, basis. Bringing a child into a family is a terrifying and beautiful thing, no matter the method.

I'll say a little prayer/wish that Turtle will get to you without difficulty or undue complication. I can tell that he'll have plenty of love and support; you'll probably be more prepared than most pregnant women! You've got, like, double the time!

So relax and enjoy the ride, friend. I hope it's beautiful.

wehave9 said...

I wish you all of the luck and love in the world! I have never been through this journey but can only imagine how you feel. I think you are so wonderful to take in children from such troubled places. You are an angel!

Kate said...

You are a wonderful adoptive parent. Bunny and Turtle are so lucky to have you. I'm actually crying a little!

reneedesigns said...

Thanks everyone for the good wishes Adoption is a long and lonely journey and its nice to have support.

MamaCarter said...

We can't wait to meet Turtle. We are thrilled for you guys, and we love you.

Karen said...

What wonderful news! Congrats!

EatPlayLove said...

I feel excited to be a part of the journey that you call Turtle. Wishing you an easy journey to a new member of the family.

anymommy said...

Oh congratulations to you! You expressed the emotions so beautifully. I can't wait to share this with you, through your words.

Michelle said...

Having gone through the experience with you guys when you were going through the process of getting Bunny, I can't wait to see how the journey to get Turtle plays out. Hopefully it will be as easy and exciting as the first. I eagerly awaited any posts you put on the blog while you were in China and shared them immediately with those who I thought would also appreciate your journey....Can't wait for this one.....

Z said...

Congratulations!
I am so excited for you, your family, and your little Turtle!

Dori's Mommy (Diana) said...

Awesome! Hope you get turtle news soon...if you haven't already. I am joining in late!